Life...and my journey through it

Stupid Cancer {Fight Like a Girl}

2012-01-06T17:12:00.001-05:00

Breast cancer has struck again... and again and again and again. When will it ever stop?

The fight like a girl t-shirts are available once again... this time benefiting Sandra VW, a mother of two who is currently undergoing chemo treatments for breast cancer.

I know that some people had asked about getting them again, and this is your chance!

Order forms can be found and printed by clicking on the link above. Thank you in advance for your support, both of me in the past and of Sandra now.

Questions? Email fightlikeagirl2012@gmail.com

All this pinning...

2012-01-04T20:26:00.000-05:00

All this pinning has led to lot's of doing as well! Here are a few of the things (recipes) I've done and the results:

Nutella Meringues. Sounded GREAT, but super flop. Pitched the whole pan. That's a lot of wasted nutella if you ask me. In defense of the recipe, I have never mixed egg whites into peaks and I may have failed miserably at that.

Pizza Rolls. Ah-Mazing! Very similar to Pereddies, very very good. My kids weren't thrilled with it at first, but after forcing them to take a bite they warmed up. Super good, and very easy, these will be a regular on my menu!

Salty Caramel Oat Bars: These are probably my most favorite-est thing I've made in a very very long time! So salty and so sweet! Seriously, there are pretzels in the dough, it adds the perfect amount of saltiness!

Cheddar Bacon Ranch Pulls: Good, not amazing, probably will not be making this again. I don't know why. Just won't.

Oreo Puddin Poke Cake: My timing was off and this was a disaster. It was two layers, one cake, one pudding. I started the pudding to soon and it was to set to pour over the cake and soak in, so... it didn't. Probably very good when timed just right!

Greetings

2011-12-24T08:58:00.001-05:00

Traditions

2011-12-17T14:12:00.001-05:00

Crazy time of year! Don't you agree? I really have never felt as much pressure and stress caused by holidays. Not sure why I'm feeling pressure this year. I'm actually way ahead of the game... normally I shop the week before Christmas and wrap the day before, this year, I'm done shopping AND, everything is wrapped! And, I actually remember wrapping them this year!

If you have young(er) kids, I have a question for you. Does Santa come to your house? Does Santa bring different (as in not currently under the tree) presents? Does Santa borrow your wrapping paper or use his own? Do you or santa write the kids names on their gifts or do you have another system?

We've tried a combination of lot's of these systems, but haven't really settled into a tradition. This year, I'm sure Santa will stop, eat the cookies and share the reindeer food, but he will not be bringing presents, at least not ones that are different from the ones under our tree. It will largely go unnoticed I'm sure. Just not that into it anymore!

I did have to code all the presents this year. And last. Last year I used the same number for each kid, I think it had something to do with their birthday's... they figured it out. This year, it's COMPLETELY random, I have it all written down, but there is NO WAY they will figure it out.

What other Christmas traditions do you have?

We go to the Santa parade downtown Zeeland (weather dependant).
We normally go see Santa at some point, unfortunately it hasn't happened yet this year.
I love to go to the Critter Barn for thier nativity scene... have to do that yet this year as well.
We always have Cherry Coffee cake for breakfast (at least that's what Bailey says... I don't remember it being a tradition, but I'll humor her).
We decorate the tree together and hang up all the old ornaments from when Matt and I were little, as well as the new(er) ones that have been purchased or made. No, we don't have a "pretty" theme tree, but we have a pretty family tree... and I love it!
I typically wake up before the kids on Christmas morning! I get so excited to see them open presents that I can't wait, and apparently my kids aren't quite so anxious. I remember being up at 5am on Christmas when I was little... now I sleep in a little later.

Do you do a lot of baking this time of year?

I typically don't purposely bake for Chrismas, but this time of year makes me want to bake. Yesterday Elliot and I made Salty Caramel Oat Bars, which are seriously delicious. I LOVE salty and sweet... put it all together - AMAZING! We also made Chubby Hubby Bars - again, I highly recommend these, they are fabulous, but... they are very hard to cut. I may try doing the carmel differently. More like the Salty Caramel Oat Bars next time and just sprinkle the chocolate on top maybe? Anyway... they are fabulous and will definitely be a staple in our house! You know... as in one of the food groups offered on a regular basis! :)

And, I leave you with a rather awkward picture of our family! Crazy to see my hair getting so much longer... remember last year?

Some things I pinned recently that I really love!

2011-11-23T08:42:00.000-05:00

From Life as a Thrifter
Love the pictures hanging from wooden hangers! (I wonder if cheap plastic hangers would look cute too???)

From Jamie cooks it up

Cranberry Cream Cheese Dip

From Snorgtees
Either you like bacon or your wrong!

From Domestic Reflections

Words to live by

From Dearlillieblog

Height measurer

I hope I left you with some inspiration today!

See more of my pinterest pins here

Thankfulness

2011-11-22T06:54:00.001-05:00

Cliche this time of year, I know. We all talk about thankfulness around thanksgiving. But, in all honesty, that is not originally how this post started out. I was going to tell you how I hate holidays for a whole slew of reasons. Instead, I'm going to tell you how I'm planning to work on changing that!

I was blog hopping this morning. Like with most blog hopping I never know how I get where I end up, but I know that that is where I was supposed to end up! God knows my heart. He knows how I feel about all these holidays coming up. Some of it is righteous feelings, some no so much. Anyway, today he brought me to this post. When you don't want to say thanks. It's a post written by by Tsh Oxenreider of Simple Mom.

Here is just a little excerpt from the post:
I’m still not in love with the poop or the what-is-that-on-the-floorboard?, but I’m a little more in love with the Giver of Life. I’m more aware of the unbelievable gifts soaked in my life. I’m humbled.

Make sure you click the link to check it out in full!

Other links I checked out today:
The real first thanksgiving
Another great post about holidays

Feel free to hop around a little this morning and see where you end up! It could be jsut what you need for today!

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T14:53:00.005-04:00

This blog is slowly turning into list central! Sorry about that!

Mom2Mom sale: M-LIFE is having a Mom2Mom sale at Community Reformed on November 12, feel free to come shop or you can sign up to sell as well (just see the blog link on the right side of this page). Last year I had a ton of stuff to sell... one would think that I would have nothing left. Not true though, I've already started sorting!
Happy Halloween! I've got a mime (again), a penguin and Darth Vader waiting to go trick-or-treating later! Fun times!
I recently had my port (used to deliver chemo) removed! Yay! That feels good!
Shingles don't feel so good. I thought I caught them early (actually, I know I did, so early in fact that my doctor didn't believe that I actually had them, but gave me a Rx anyway, thankfully), but they are still holding on and causing some pain. Not nearly as bad this time (I'm not in bed or anything), and for that I am so very very THANKFUL!
Football is done. It was a fun year, unfortunately the year ended in the locker room instead of on the field due to some silly lightening! Bummer!
Basketball started the day after football, so really not much of a break, except that I get my husband home now!
NewWorldSon concert at Community Reformed this Sunday! It's free. And good!
Miss Lila got her haircut this weekend. Just a big trim to get the yucky ends off! She was very scared that it would hurt, but turned out ok! So darn cute!
And, right here is where I wish I had a picture to share. I've been so bad about downloading them though... so no such luck!

What's new?

2011-10-10T15:54:00.000-04:00

Well, nothing is new. We've just been busy having fun is all! (That, and I'm keeping up the M-LIFE blog, which is very time consuming, leaving me little desire to keep this one up somedays, you should check it out though, there are some great giveaways going on right now!)

What have we done?

Football

Art Prize

Football

Art Prize

Ice Cream

Dinner with friends

Playing outside

Football

School

Soccer

Field Trips

School parties

Dentist appointments

Soccer

Doctor appointments

Grocery Shopping

oh, and did I mention... football?

Here are a few pictures to share... (I love that I started to carry around a point and shoot, I take so many more snapshots of things I normally wouldn't capture)

Apple picking in the freezing cold!

Art Prize!

This one looked like a photograph, but was a painting. Amazing!

I LOVED this... made out of masking tape!

Free dinner downtown Zeeland!

Dinner at Marios with my fellow cancer survivors (minus Lindy who had to leave early)

Field trip to Fredrick Meijer Gardens with Elliot's class!

Sleepover with friends. (No, they did not sleep in the same sleeping bag, this was after I put B's sleeping bag away in the morning)

Last day Captain Sundae was open!

Our field trip this morning to Outdoor Discovery Center was a huge success... we walked forever and definitely tired the kiddo's out!

Happy Birthday Humor

2011-09-25T20:59:00.001-04:00

So, I know this starts off looking like a typical Happy Birthday video... but watch toward the end, it get's funny after the song is done!

Bailey's Video

2011-09-12T11:04:00.001-04:00

This is Bailey's first fifth grade homework assignment, just thought it was to cute NOT to post! Enjoy!

Another Recipe

2011-09-08T09:50:00.001-04:00

Mmmmmm! So, I talked last time about how I made the Raspberry Rhubarb jam... it was good. It is good, but not the tart flavor I was looking for. Then I found this one. Vanilla Rhubarb Jam. AMAZING! It smells amazing, it tastes amazing and was easy to make! (Note, I did not cut up the rubarb as small as the author, that takes way to much time, therefore I have chunks of rhubarb in my jam, but that doesn't bother me). And, yes, I know Rhubarb is not in season, but that's the great thing about Meijer, they carry out of season vegetables (or whatever you would classify Rhubarb as). I also did my canning (sealing) in the over... it worked. Amazed. And, I didn't have to get my big pot out, again!

It's almost over....

2011-09-02T21:36:00.000-04:00

Summer is almost over. I'm happy and sad all at the same time! I really dislike this humidity that we have been experiencing the last few days, thankfully we spent yesterday at the beach adn the water was wonderful, today we tried to go outside a few times, but came back in shortly to wipe the sweat off.

We rode the bus to school with Elliot last week. Tons of fun. He is so excited to go to Young Fives. I'm excited for him, but the closer it get's the smaller he seems to me, going out into the world on his own. We will both be fine though. We always are!

Another thing I've been doing is canning. Yup, taught myself to can last weekend. I did plenty of research, especially after I saw that you could get botulism if you don't can salsa correctly. That is some scary stuff, definitely don't want to spread that to anyone! I can't find the recipe that i used, but that's ok, I don't plan to use it again, I wasn't a huge fan. It's not bad, just a little to "tomatoey" and not spicy enough.

Then this week I had to use up some jalapenos so I made some Hot Pepper Jelly, which is great poured over cream cheese with Wheat Thins to dip in it! It's also good on a hamburger as I figured out tonight. Yum! Super easy too, that took me about an hour (gotta love the food processor)!

And tonight, I wanted to make raspberry jam and decided I wanted Rhubarb Raspberry Jam. I struggled to find a recipe that I could can as opposed to freeze, although I'm not sure why... eventually I found and settled on this one. I'm still smiling every time I hear a jar pop. If you've ever canned you so know what I mean! I did try a little right out of the pan, after burning the tastebuds off my tongue I decided it was a bit sweeter than I like, but the kids will like it. Now I'm on the search for a tarter recipe. And maybe I'll settle on freezing it this time too! In fact, I may try this one!

(OK, this post was more about saving the recipes that I used for future use than updating anyone, sorry)

A list to sum it all up...

2011-08-07T21:56:00.001-04:00

Yikes. It's been a while. Sorry. Life is busy. Summer is busy. But fall is busy too.

Anyway, I will try to sum the past few weeks up in a short list in no particular order.

1. We went camping. It went great, the kids had a great time. I have never been to tri-ponds before, but we really enjoyed it. We were quite a walk from the pool and bathrooms so I did a lot of walking that weekend, which turned out to be a good thing. I pushed myself and I was feeling better, or at least significantly recovering, upon our return!

2. Landon is now a teenager. He got a phone for his birthday, something he has wanted for a long long time, but we've resisted. It is definitely nice that he has one now though!

3. Our house has gone from light tan with brown trim to a dark gray with white trim thanks to my wonderfully talented husband and some other fabulous helpers! Love it!

4. We went to Green Lake with my brother and sister-in-law for the day. The kids always have a great time tubing, sea-doing (spelled wrong???), swimming, and boating!

5. I started babysitting again after taking 7 weeks off. We all missed our buddy!

6. Bailey hit double digits! Growing up into a beautiful girl!

7. We have spent some great days at the beach and now that I know it's not that bad, we will definately be squeezing in as many more of them as we can!

8. I still can't swim, which makes the beach and camping a bit harder. Luckily I have great kids and friends that will swim with Lila! Can't wait to have this scar all healed up and closed, although I think this summer is out of the question at this point. There may be some water arobics in my future though???? :)

9. We have been spending LOTS of time in the backyard playing on the swingset, in the sprinkler and in the kiddie pool When I say kiddie pool, I mean LITTLE. Like maybe 3 feet across. But, it's perfect!

10. Lila discovered that she LOVES pop. In her own can. Caffiene free preferably! :)

11. The shingles are gone!

12. Football starts way to soon. Meeting tomorrow night and then practice in two weeks. Games are a little bit later this year, which makes getting to the games so much easier. And, making it even easier is the fact that I think all but one is home!

13. This picture has nothign to do with anything, but once you look at it you will know exactly why I had to add it! So adorable!

14. I am not planning on doing a Race for the Cure team this year, thank you to those that joined last year, and to those that have inquired about doing it again. But, while I'm not planning on doing one, my friend Lindy has started a team and I would encourage you to sign up on that if you were thinking about doing it! Click here!

Family "Rules"

2011-07-21T20:42:00.001-04:00

Just created this quick and wanted to share! You are welcome to save a copy and print one for yourself, the original is a 5x7, just FYI!
Hoping to do a full blog post tomorrow or in the very near future!

Better Days

2011-07-07T00:02:00.000-04:00

I'm hesitant to say that things are looking up. The shingles seem to have gotten a little/lot better in the last 24 hours. They aren't gone, but they are better. They have been replaced with some muscle pain in the center of my abdomen, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that is normal.

I've been inactive for so long though that even a little bit of activity (read: walking to a chair set up outside and sitting down) is quite exhausting. But that will get better. I would think. In time.

So anyway, just wanted to pass that info along. I apprecaite all of your prayers, I am so blessed!

Stuck in Bed and Pinning

2011-07-02T22:14:00.000-04:00

I've found the most relief from the shingles when I'm laying still in my bed. Not getting up and down, just laying here. Every once in a while (who am I kidding, daily) prior to getting sick and having surgery I wished for a day where I didn't have to do ANYTHING. But, now that I've spent the last almost 4 weeks laying around doing nothing, I'm over it. Compeltely over it. I want to be up, playing with the kids, going to the beach, cooking dinner, even cleaning the bathroom. Yup. I said it.

I've watched a lot of "First 48" today, a little Hoarders: Burried Alive and I've done lot's of pinning! I'll share a few of my favorite things I've found today. I've found lots! (click on each picture for a link if you wish)

Pom Pom Flowers

Crochet Rug from old T-Shirts

I LOVE color!!!!

LOVE this color combo. Maybe for Bailey's room re-do (someday)!

And this Pesto Bread. Although, I can't read the recipe, so I think I'm out of luck, but I like to improvise, I'm sure I could come up with something!

That's only a very very small portion of all the pinning I've done today! Feel free to see more here!

Ugh, the pain

2011-06-30T21:07:00.000-04:00

It's horrible. The pain has not gotten any better. I'm miserable. While I don't want to complain, I'm reaching out to my blog readers to see if anyone has any great ideas for pain relief (besides rx drugs). I've tried an ice pack. That didn't work. I've tried wearing baggy t-shirts. That didn't work. I tried wearing a fitted shirt. That didn't work. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm frustrated, I'm in pain, I just want to stay in bed all day. Post your ideas. Please!

2 steps forward, 1 step back

2011-06-28T20:36:00.000-04:00

I knew it was to good to be true. I was feeling great last week. I couldn't believe how good I was feeling. But Thursday I started getting pretty sore again. So sore in fact that on Friday I called and asked for more vicodin. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. My skin was soooo sensitive. It hurt to touch anything on my abdomen. And then in an ambien haze of absolute pain on Sunday night I saw it. A spot that very closely resembled shingles. Seriously. I just had shingles six months ago. My worst enemy (who doesn't really exist) doesn't deserve to have shingles EVER, and absolutely no one deserves to have them twice. In six months. So, needless to say, I'm in pain. Lots and lots of pain. I would rather have surgery again than shingles. Basically the only thing that relieves the pain is to lay in bed very very still. Yuck. I'm sick of laying around.

Luckily I started some meds today and last time I was on these meds it went away pretty quickly. Praying it does the same this time!

While at the doctor today he also "cleaned" out the wound again, took out the "debris" which is as gross as it sounds. This whole packing the wound thing is getting old and from what I hear I have a ways to go. Blech.

In just two short days I will have a teenager in my house. Seriously. Almost 13 years ago I was barely 20 years old about ready to have my first child. Scared to death of what that mant. He has been such a blessing to us, Love that boy!

Wishing everyone a great and safe holiday weekend!

Summer Reading

2011-06-24T16:08:00.000-04:00

The weather so far has been good for pretty much nothing. It's almost the end of June and we have done nothing summery (never mind the other obvious reasons for that). It's wet, cloudy and cold today. Landon had a baseball game last night, I wore a sweatshirt and jeans and was still freezing cold. He has another tonight. It's a home game, our home park is always very windy, meaning it will be about 10 degrees colder there.

So, what do you do to keep your kids reading for the summer? We used to participate in the summer reading program at the library, but we rarely completed it, not because the kids didn't read, but because I wasn't good at getting back to fill stuff in. So, we don't do that anymore. Last year we tried reading a set amount of time per day. That was great for about a week, then we got busy and out of the habit and that went out the window. So this year we are trying something new.

The kids can read as much or little as they want. But, thier screen time is directly affected by thier reading time. For every minute they read they earn 1.5 minutes of screen time. They can save thier minutes for the whole summer, I'm ok with that. Landon is better at this than Bailey. He currently has about 600+ minutes banked up. Bailey might have 30. 600 minutes is a lot of screen time, but I know that there is very little chance that Landon will sit inside for 10 hours playing wii or watching tv. Bailey on the other hand... well, we don't have to worry about it really. Two very different kids, same mom and dad.

Happy {summer} reading!

Messy

2011-06-23T10:40:00.000-04:00

**Warning**** You may not want to be eating while reading this**

Ugh. I feel like my house is such a mess! Such is life. We do indeed LIVE here!

I'm feeling pretty good. For the most part. I'm really wanting to be back to normal. I know for a fact that I'm doing much more than I should be doing. I'm doing more than I should be doing if I was 6 weeks out from surgery, much less 2. I'm very very sore. My muscles hurt. The scars I don't necessarily feel. Which is a good thing considering I have a gaping hole in my stomach where they opened one spot back up. (Yup, it's as gross as it sounds). I have to bandage that twice a day to get it to heal correctly. Good thing I don't have to really look at it.

OK, enough of that fun stuff.

Have you discovered Pinterest? If you need another time waster in your life I would definitely encourage you to check it out. It sucks up a lot of my time (but let's face it, what more do I have to do right now), and I'm sure it could suck up a lot of your time too! :) Happy pinning!

Happy Fathers Day

2011-06-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

Happy Fathers day to all of the wonderful fathers in my life. My father, my father-in-law, my kids father. All amazing men! Thank you. I'm especially thankful for my husband. Wow. He has been absolutely amazing these past few weeks. He has worked full time (and then some), he has been an amazing dad, nurse, house cleaner, cook, driver, laundry washer, furniture mover... this man has doen it all! And for that I am so greatful. Never do I doubt that he loves us, never do I doubt his committment to his family. So greatful for him!

Healing is going great! I seriously thought that it would be much roughter than this. But, like I said last time, that doesn't make it easy either.
Most all activity is limited.
I've spent a LOT of time on the couch, in bed or in my chair outside. When I do to much walking, I know it. Yesterday we went to a baseball game for Landon (in the scorching heat), the field was much further from the car than I was used to but I walked back and forth twice. I can tell today.
I'm still not taking pain pills until night time, but that may be because I want to convince my husband that I am capable of driving too! :) Where I am planning on going I don't know, but I know that I need to get out of this house!!!!
I have a LOT of bruising. There are bruises lining my scar and there is a LARGE one in the middle of my stomach. It hurts.

Many people have asked me if I'm happier with the results this time. YES! I am SOOOO much happier. My chest looks 100x better, but honestly, I'm thrilled with my tight stomach. It's no secret that I had a tummy. My muscles just weren't what they were suppposed to be, my skin was stretched, it wasn't pretty. But now, it's all better again! LOVE it! I recently had a birthday and received lot's of gift cards for shopping and I can't wait! (first I need to be able to walk though...)

Landon is back from a great week at camp! He's spent lot's of time with his family this weekend and I'm sure he can't wait to get back to hanging out with friends every day!

Bailey has been gone ALL weekend. She got to spend Friday night and all day Saturday with her friend Sadie and then went to Michigan's Adventure today with the neighbor. She will be TIRED!

Elliot get's to start both swimming lessons and VBS tomorrow. He is not excited about either one. Or maybe it's that he's tired and just needs some sleep! I don't get to help with VBS this year for obvious reasons. I will miss helping out. I've been helping for... ever. But, it will be nice to have time with Lila as well. Maybe.

One week post TRAM Flap surgery

2011-06-13T12:10:00.000-04:00

One week ago I was cut open on the operating table. What a change in a week. Seriously. Going into the surgery I was really worried that I was going to be immobile for a while. I had heard rough things about recovery from this surgery, but I was prepared for it. I had heard of a lot of pain. But I was prepared to be asking for lot's of pain meds. No problem.

It has not been all sunshine and lollipops. There is and was definitely pain involved, but nothing like I expected. For a variety of reasons I have gone from taking 2 dilauded pills every 4 hours to taking 1 vicodin every once in a while. I'm not letting myself feel a lot of pain or being stubborn about taking them, because one thing I've learned is that pain pills serve a very good purpose. On the other hand, I do not like taking them because they make me SO tired. So out of it. So anyway, pain pills aren't a bad thing, I just don't need them as often as I thought I would.

I've still got four drains ~~attractively~~ draped from different angles of my body. I still have to empty them a few times a day. But, on the bright side, I am able to shower and wash my hair this time.

I can not stand up straight yet, my skin is just still to tight. Nor can I lay flat. The couch has been my home!

I'm tired. My body is working really hard to heal itself right now, it's not leaving me much energy to do anything else. So, as much as I want to get out of this house, it's just not going to happen.

I can't lift up my dear Lila, but on the flip side of that, we are able to snuggle on the couch and watch The duck song on YouTube or read Brown bear!

And, she's still as spunky as ever, finding a way to get exactly what she wants.

And... I really am kind of excited about this Tummy Tuck I got! It was an added bonus, and I'll take it! Now, to keep a flat stomach! :)

Thank you for all of your prayers and support, we've felt all the love!

6 days post-op

2011-06-11T21:14:00.002-04:00

Feeling pretty good. Honestly this isn't as bad as I expected so far. But who knows. Thank you for all of your prayers, help and notes of encouragement. Its all been so appreciated.

Kristi is now celebrating in Jesus' arms. Her positive spirit and warm smile will be dearly missed here, but she is so blessed to ne made perfect again.

Lindy has received some discouraging news this week.

Please keep them and their families in your prayers!
Thank you!

2 1/2 more days

2011-06-05T21:32:00.001-04:00

Yikes. School is done. That means that:
a) I have an 8th grader and a 5th grader, and a "young-fiver"! (oh, and a 2 year old)
b) have very little to consume my mind until Monday
c) oops, I lied, there is plenty going on to keep me distracted
d) the kids are home... all the time. blogger!! MMMOKMMMMMA

QQLQLQLLLP
The last day of school is pretty uneventful at our house. Landon is gone fishing with Matt, while Bailey, Elliot and Lila anxiously await the arrival of thier friends! Hudson is hanging out with us today as well! I feel like I should be doing something fun and exciting to make up for the next few weeks, but...

So, surgery is scheduled for 7:30, arrival time of 6am. Please pray. Pray that it starts on time, for the doctor as he prepares for the surgery, for me as I prepare for the surgery, for Matt and my kids and for a quick and easy recovery.

(Obviously, this was not finished on the day I started it, as there is now about 18 hours until surgery, just typing that gave me a funny feeling in my stomach)

I feel an urgency to get a lot of stuff done. Like cleaning out and purging bathroom cupboards, moving Lila into a big bed which happens to be the bottom of elliot's bunk bed, therefore moving her room into his room, so they share a room now, cleaning my closet and bedroom... unfortunately this all means that things like mopping the floor are being put off, but those are things that someone else (aka my husband or kids) can do!

OK, now it's 10 hours until my surgery and I"m still trying to type this stupid post, so, I'm publishing, not everything is one here, but it will have to do, until next time!almamm1.wt

I need this right now...

2011-06-04T23:20:00.001-04:00

Feeling a bit anxious tonight as 6am monday morning draws closer and closer. I've found plenty of things to keep me really busy up until now... Now I try to sleep, and even ambien is not helping. I've got a few things to do tomorrow, but fully anticipate this getting harder. For now, one of my favorite verses...

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

What has kept us busy...

2011-05-26T13:21:00.000-04:00

Our Bird friends are growing! While I'm not a huge fan of birds, they are awful cute to watch. (Sorry for the blurry pictures, I don't dare get to close for fear of getting attacked)

I'm pretty sure they will be leaving the nest soon, they are getting very crowded in there!

Dressing up like Spiderman-AllBoy is always a hit. Check out those webbed hands! (Oh, and don't forget the snow boots with plaid shorts, did you know that's a new trend??)

This little boy get's to spend a few days a week with us and we love it! Lila is really really in love, often throwing a fit when his dad get's here to pick him up.

Bailey signed up for Girls on the Run this year for the first time. I highly recommend the program, and I think
Bailey would as well. She worked so hard all season and ran (run/walk) her first 5k. She did awsome, I'm so proud of her and the 1,999 other girls that ran that day!

Proud supporters of thier sisters!

Coming in to finish. (Bailey is the second one on the left)

Some of the girls from her "team"!

Matt planted our garden. But first the boxes had to be weeded. This will be our first year growing anything besides tomatoes. We planted lettuce, snap peas, green beans, jalapenos, green and red peppers, tomatoes, and I think zuccini. Can't wait to get some fresh produce (although, I'm so glad I have someone else to do the weeding!!! :)

All this rain has made for lot's of snuggle time!

And, apparently, while we don't live near any bodies of water, we have a frog issue. Ask my kids and they love it. Me? I'm scared to walk through the yard for fear of stepping on one or having it hop on me and "attack" me (Irrational? maybe). The kids have loved having them for pets though. They take them for "walks" in the yard (a.k.a. tricking them into thinking they are being set free and then catching them again), check on them all the time and do lot's and lot's of handwashing.

It's torture I tell you!

We used to be really good about Lila keeping her pipe in her bedroom, but recently we've gotten really really relaxed! Here she was being crabby and tired, so she decided to take a little rest on the dining room floor.

Elliot graduated from pre-school last night! He's officially a "young-fiver"??? I need to find Landon's graduation pictures too, just to see compare the two, I have a feeling they will be hard to tell apart!

And, to top it all off, throw a few baseball games in there, a choir concert, doctor appointments, and we are on a never ending move! But we love it!

Surgery Planning

2011-05-24T15:41:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to get everything in order for my life and family after I have surgery, blah, I definitely don't miss this part of last years medical stuff!

Anyway, please feel free, but DO NOT feel obligated (ANYONE) to sign up for meals. With the kids being home, I did include some lunches on there as well, sandwiches, macaroni & cheese, whatever, sometime lunch is the hardest meal of the day to get together in reality (especially with Matt working throughout as well)! Feel free to email me with information regarding dropping a meal off, or email matt (probably the better choice if it's after June 5) matt (at) distinctivegroupinc (dot) com (substitute an @ sign and a . in the appropriate places).

http://www.signupgenius.com/go/meals846

And, as ALWAYS, THANK YOU so much. We are overwhelmed with the support that we continue to receive! You are all AMAZING!

I am going to TRY to get Matt to update facebook during surgery, but no guarantees on that (he has a hard time typing on my phone, and he just doesn't like facebook). If he won't do it, I will try to do it as soon as I'm able, who knows when that will be though!

Surgery Update

2011-05-19T17:25:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I met with the plast surgeon to go over some questions I had regarding the surgery. Matt and I discussed what we heard, we discussed recovery, I prayed about it and we are going through with it.

I know that some of you were concerned whether this was the right thing to do or not, I want you to know that I appreciate your concern (really, I do), but I truly feel peace about this decision.

Some of you expressed concern about the doctor. Let me reassure you that the problems I am having now are not his fault. When having the mastectomy and reconstruction, it was thought that I wouldn't have to have radiation. But, as we all know, that all changed. Typically he doe not do implant reconstruction on a person who has radiation for a variety of reasons, but for me it was to late, we had already gone this route.

In the next few weeks (week really) I will post some specific needs, if you want to volunteer to help, that's fabulous and will be very appreciated, but we absolutely do not expect anyone to help either.

As of this moment, surgery is going to happen on June 6 (the first week the kids are home from school) at around 7:30 am (that's going to be an early arrival time... whew). I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days (which could prove to be our biggest obstacle). I will be able to drive again after about 2 weeks, (if you know me well, you know I'm not really good at this one, I like to sneak away)! Despite the fact that I will have 3+ drains (if you know me well, you know this was the WORST part of the last two surgeries for me) I will be able to shower (which makes having drains about 50% better)! I will be on some strong pain pills along with a pain pump for about 5 days. I think overall, in my head it was going to be much worse than what he has told me it's going to be, but only time will tell!

Right now I do have one need that doesn't need to be scheduled, but can be done at anytime... prayers.

Along with prayers for this surgery and recovery to go smoothly, I would also covet your prayers for my friend Kristi and her family. Also for another friend and her husband who are dealing with cancer and surgery.

I hate cancer!

Bluebird Cancer Retreats :: Part 2

2011-05-19T07:23:00.000-04:00

Saturday morning we were up bright and early - breakfast @ 7:30am.

After breakfast there were 2 speakers, both talked about healing with the whole body. We did some different breathing excercises and really just relaxed. I didn't agree with everything everyone said, but was always able to take something away. Simple things really, but at the time, things I needed to hear. God knew.

After lunch, in true camp form, we had arts and crafts. We got to build and paint a bluebird house! My house is currently hanging on a tree in my backyard and if a bird never moves in that's ok, it's a bright pop of color in my backyard.

After lunch it was elective time. We had signed up for different treatments that were scheduled throughout the afternoon. I signed up for relexology and a massage. It would be my first time trying either one of them.

The massage felt great. Why did I wait this long to try it?

The reflexology was interesting. I really knew nothing about it going in. So ignorant in fact that I was caught off guard when this lady wanted to see my feet. My feet aren't exactly my best asset. I'm definitely a skeptic, so I don't know how that affected what she did, but the one thing I did notice was after I told her that I carry a lot of stress in my jaw, she massaged the top of my big toe, just under the nail and I think it really did loosen up!

It was great to be able to try things I would have otherwise not done, and I definitely have plans for future massages!

Later that night we had a campfire. We were lucky enough to have a very talented guitar and sax player among us. My new friend C was blessed with an amazing voice, so we listened to music for a while. One song we sang that was reminiscent of my days at Camp Concordia was "It only takes a spark" and C sang an amazing song "Love in every language" (just finding out now that it's by Sandi Patt, something else reminiscent of my childhood). Then we talked. About everything and nothing, all at the same time.

I don't really like campfires because of the smell and how it saturates everything, but this was a perfect fire, the wind was blowing just strong enought to blow all the smoke away and I didn't smell at all at the end of the night! (Thanks God)!

Sunday morning after breakfast we did some morning reflections and closing circle. We were also visited by "Sister Sue" who was quite funny!

It was an amazing weekend. I was refreshed, brought bacvk to a more peaceful place that I hadn't been in a while. Thank you Bluebird Cancer Retreats, thank you Bluebird staff, volunteers, all my new friends, the nurse at Cancer & Hematology who sent me and most of all, Thanks be to God!

Happy Mothers Day

2011-05-08T21:02:00.000-04:00

Wow, what a difference a year makes. It's been over a year since I've been diagnosed, but I clearly remember this day last year, Mary had bought a rather large "Fight Like a Girl" cake from Second Floor Bakery, Mary and my dad gave me some pink boxing gloves and they had some people over to thier house to enjoy the cake together and celebrate.

Lot's of things have changed. My hair is about 10 inches shorter. My chest is completely lopsided (opposed to being non-existent last year), more on that later in this post. I've gone through many ups and downs. But, that's life, not just my life. In fact, I know that many people's up are much higher than mine, and many lows much lower. I've heard the word cancer more times than I ever wanted to in the last year. And they weren't referring to myself. I feel like every time I turn around someone else has cancer or knows someone who does. It sucks. It makes my heart ache. What is going on????? I really thought that having cancer and seeing how others helped us would make me so much better at helping others. Well, that's not the case. I still don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I feel helpless. That sucks too.

So anyway, that tangent is over. Chest lopsided. Well... reconstruction was miserable for me. I know many people who are up walking around and doing things the next day. Not me. I was down for a good week. And, guess what. The results... well, they suck. (I know that doesn't sound nice, but it sounds much nicer than other things I could say...) Anyway... because of the originally unplanned radiation on the left side, the results are not optimal (to say the least). It's to the point where I can't hide it, even though I know it's more obvious to me than the rest of the world, even my doctors have said it's not good. So, what do you do to fix that? You have surgery again of course. Do you go in to lift one up and still have less than perfect results? or do you go the much more invasive route of having a tram flap done? One hour surgery or 8? One week recovery or 8 weeks? Long term good results or temporary questionable ones? Arghhhh. This isn't easy. Right now I'm leaning toward the TRAM flap. In fact, pending insurance approval, it's scheduled. For June 6. So, I'm requesting prayers for clear direction on this. And, if I go through with it, the support we would need to get through the recovery.

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mom's I know!

(One of the roses that my wonderful husband gave me for our 12 year anniversary on May 1)

The Will of God (author unknown)

2011-05-04T18:56:00.001-04:00

The Will of God will never take you
Where the Grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the Arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The Will of God will never take you,
Where the spirit of God cannot work through you
Where the Wisdom of God cannot teach you
Where the Army of God cannot protect you
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

Teh will of God will never take you
Where the Love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the MErcies of God cannot sustain you
Where teh peace of God cannot calm your fears
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you

The will of God will never take you
Where the Comfor tof God cannot dry your tears,
Where the word of God cannot feed you,
Where the MIracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the Omnipresence of God cannot find you.

Bluebird :: Part 1

2011-05-03T06:56:00.000-04:00

Lately, I have been very anxious. I've ahd a few anxiety attacks. Life has just felt very difficult.

I think there are a few reasons for these feelings. One was that on a very very subconcious level the one year mark scared me. (did I mention that this was on a ver subconcious level?) Another reason was the recent MRI's and the difficulty getting straight forward answers. Ultimately everything is fine in regards to that as well, which I 90% knew all along, but there is always that little doubt that creeps in and consumes.

Fast forward a little to the Monday before my last herceptin treatment. I got an email from one of the nurses at Cancer & Hematology. She was telling me about this Bluebird Cancer Retreat. I had seen the brochures at the office, but always kind of looked past them, dismissing them as something that wasn't my style. But after looking at the Bluebird website a bit and seeing all they do, including pampering, I decided I was in (did I mention I only had about 10 days notice, and it happened to work and my husband was immediately on board with the idea?).

With anxiety in my chest I called and signed up. I knew that the timing of this was no coincidence. I needed to get away in a really bad way and better yet, God knew it, and provided a way for it to happen.

I had a lot of anxiety about going by myself. I was telling a friend about this anxiety and she said soemthing that made me think. She said "I'll pray you meet someone in the parking lot". I hadn't even thought of that. I'm so quick to pray for the big picture, that was a detail I hadn't thought to pray so specifically for.

On the way to Camp Geneva I felt completely sick. I almost said forget it and turned around. Despite the anxiety that I was carrying (that felt like a large brick on my chest), I continued on. I pulled into the parking lot feeling teh brick getting heavier by the second. I jumped out of the truck (literally jumped, it was Matt's truck) and saw a women wearing a blue sparkly hat, giving me the hint that I was in the right place! I then turned to see another 'camper' walking up as well, she had a great, welcoming smile. We were both welcomed with a hug by the director and told to go inside.

Once inside we were introduced to each other. While I didn't learn her name until we were inside (for privacy purposes, we'll call her C), I know that God was faithful in answering that prayer about finding a friend in the parking lot.

At the same time I was introduced to my roomate (who for privacy purposes, we'll call A). This is another area where I've had a lot of anxiety. Sleep doesn't come easy for me (if your a longtime reader you know this already), so I take Ambien which puts me into a very deep sleep. Sometimes I snore. Sometimes I talk, many times I don't remember things frmot eh time I take the pill until I fall asleep. So anyway, this all had me a bit anxious and nervous.

Turns out A and I got along great, we both have 4 year old sons (her only), we are both Christians, we are almost the same age and one of the best parts, wass we both took Ambien to sleep. God is SO good! (oh yeah, did I mention we both had cancer or was that kind of assumed since we were at a cancer retreat and all?)

On Friday we introduced ourselves, told what kind fo cancer we had, did some yoga (a first for me), ate dinner, did some more discussion time, had dessert and went to bed. I was SO tired, but so ready for another day, God had already shown me multiple times in just these short first hours that this was where I was meant to be at this time.

This is only part 1 or my weekend. I plan to tell you so much more about what a wonderful time I had here. If you have had (ever) cancer or know someone who would benefit from this, please check out the website! There are three more retreats this year I believe!

Picture Heavy Birthday Post

2011-04-22T13:54:00.000-04:00

This is a train table. It has been an annoyance since month two. While it was well loved and used, it was rarely used for it's intention and it took up a lot of room. I've been looking for an art table for Miss Lila so that she doesn't ruin my coffee table anymore than she already has. Cha-Ching... this table can be flipped over. One side has water and grass for the train set, the other side was just partical board. Was being the key word. It is now a chalkboard and it is now sitting in my living room getting lot's and lot's of love!

This bunny was fashioned after this pattern. I used an old receiving blanket for the material and I stuffed it with rice so it can now be warmed in the microwave and used as a heating pad!

I've been busy making pillows as well. From left to right.
1. Burlap with a stenciled B, trimmed in orange ric rac.
2. Lime green with aqua ruffle.
3. I used this pattern. I cut all the pieces at our craft night at church and sewed it together the next day in less than half an hour! Love it.
4. Lime pillow w/ aqua tie.

This was another fun project, specifically for birthday party decorating! I cut out lot's and lot's and lot's (and lot's) of 2" circles from scrapbook paper.

and then I sewed them all together to make "streamers"! Love it! these may repurpose themselves into either Lila's room or the basement after her party this weekend!

Just some fun pictures of my 2 year old!

The updated table. Lila is holding the picture we used for her birth announcement. Her name in chalk, her as the I!

Not sure why I love this picture so much, but I do love those lips!

And, she asked to sit on the potty yesterday too. She did nothing, but whatever. I'm in NO hurry to get her potty trained!

Yummy cake from Second Floor Bakery!

Me and my girl!

Once again

2011-04-22T06:59:00.000-04:00

I'm back, sorry it's been so long... once again. I just never know what to say. How much to say really. I don't ever want to come across as whining and so I withold some of the truth, and I don't ever want to withold to much from so many people that have been praying so faithfully for me.

Over the course of the last year (yes, it's now been one year, which some of you remembered, thank you for the cards, facebook messages and emails), I've realized that while yes, I have cancer, so many have it so much worse. Cancer is nothing in the big bucket of problems/trials. It's that really little pebble that is hard to find (for me anyway), everyone else seems be carrying a rock, or even boulder.

I will tell you that I have been dealing with a LOT of anxiety. I don't know why, but I know that it feels like I have a brick on my chest at all times. I've tried giving it to God, but obviously there is some part that I can't let go of. I've tried some meds, which work ok, I'm seeing a counselor next week, and hopefully he can adjust my meds so that we have something that works all the time, something that will compliment my faith and time with God. (This is how silly it is... I'm stressing right now because I have a pen and highlighter dedicated to bible study/quiet time. It's the only one I use, I take it with me when I take my book anywhere. (It's a bit obsessive I know), this morning, I find that they are both GONE. Surely by the hands of a little culprit. Surly by the hands of someone who didn't know how important in my mind those two little things were. But, none the less... they are gone. I've prayed, I've used somehting different, but I'm still obsessing, I"m anxious about where those pens are... and by this point your thinking I need to seek more help than I am, I'm sure. I promise, I'm really ok.

While your praying for crazy me, could you please pray for some cancer friends of mine? Some that are facing some big stuff, some that found out "good" news, and some that are hoping to find out good news? I would appreciate it and I know that they would as well!

I finally started dowloading pictures last night, it's been over a month since I have. Soon I will be bombarding you with pictures from a certain little someones birthday! Hint... she's kinda cute, she wears the most adorable pigtails, her belly hangs over her diaper, looks awfully cute in jeggings and has an attitude way bigger than herself!

I intended this to be longer, but my favorite 4 year old just woke up and I think we need to snuggle for a bit before we start our day! So... more later.

Checking in... sorry for the delay!

2011-04-02T12:14:00.000-04:00

All is well, for the most part over here. I should have checked in long ago after telling you that I was having an MRI, sorry! The MRI itself was awful. I never knew that I was clausterphobic. When I had my first MRI (about a year ago) I was laying on my stomach, head to the outside of the machine, so there was no real issues with feeling trapped. This time I was head in, face up. I felt as if I was in a coffin. I kind of freaked out, but eventually let them push me back in, closed my eyes and prayed. For an hour. I was reciting the one verse that would come to my mind, over and over and over. "Peace that surpasses all understanding" While reciting this verse to myself 1000 or more times I realized that I really need to do better at committing more to memory.

Finally it was over! Whew!

I can't remember all of the details, and quite honestly it's all a bit confusing from here. Ultimately, the reason I had the MRI was because of arm pain, there was nothing on the MRI that showed a reason for any pain. Whatever, I've given in to the fact that I will deal with this for the rest of my life. But, they did see something else. Whether that's an edema or inflamed muscle, I'm not sure (and who knows, maybe those are the same things). Currently I think it's an inflamed muscle, I had a port-o-gram (they access the port in my chest, inject dye into it to see if there are any leaks), no problems with the port. So right at this moment, we don't know what is the cause of this issue, or really even what the issue is. I am having another MRI in the near future (not scheduled yet), this time with valium in hand, on my stomach, face out, to rule out any masses.

Honestly, I'm pretty confident there is nothing to worry about, I've had a few traumas (aka surgery etc) to that area, which would be a good explanation. My problem right now is that this is all happening at the same time as I was diagnosed last year. (Yes, it's been a year). I'm not a date person, I don't rely on the fact that my mom passed away on a certain date, I don't get sad on the anniversary of something that has happened, just not how I am, but, it's all just a little to parallel for me right now. Another breast MRI, assuming there will be nothing to find, spring break (although this year were stuck in Michigan instead of sunny Florida)... it's just a little unsettling to me. Don't read into that to much though, I'm not sitting around crying or shaking or anything like that, like I said before, I'm relatively confident that there is NOTHING to worry about. God's just giving me a little reminder that he is still in control and that I need to give it to Him. ("Here God, it's yours") His plan is perfect, no matter what I really want to think of it.

Spring break... we are home. Bummer. But, on the bright side (because there is always a bright side, right?), we aren't going to be stuck in the car for 2 days! I'm hop'p'ing to go see a movie with the kids this week (can you guess which one?). Lila will probably not appreciate it, unless of course she is buckled in a car seat, which is the ONLY time she will watch a movie, so I'll probably leave her somewhere. I hope the rest of you are having a wonderful break (if this applies to you), the weather isn't great, but let's face it, it could be much much worse!

Praying for our kids

2011-03-17T07:46:00.000-04:00

I came across this site through Cornerstone Community Church yesterday. There are some great rescources here to tap into. One thing I printed off and was looking through was the "Praying for Childen/Grandchildren" rescource. Amazing. Things we should ALL be praying for our children! I'm pasting it here, but would really encourage you to go to the site and check out the other rescources as well.

Just kidding, I just spent about 10 minutes trying to cut and paste and couldn't figure it out, thinking that that may not be allowed, so instead, I'm going to encourage you to check out the link!

Prayer request: I've been having some pain related to the removal of lymph nodes in my left arem. Basically it hurts from my rib cage, up my arm and down to my thumb. Not always, but much of the time. I also have limited movement of the arm. I can't straighten it out all the way, this too fluctuates, somedays are better than others, and it seems to steadily be getting a bit better. Anyway, I'm having an MRI tomorrow night to check things out a bit and to hopefully figure out what is causing the pain, although it's been said by a doctor that it may just be something I have to deal with for the rest of my life, which would be a pain, but other things would be much worse. So... anyway, please pray that they can figure out what is causing the pain.

Could it be?

2011-02-28T17:52:00.000-05:00

I haven't been posting updates lately for the simple reason that there isn't much to update really! I don't know if I dare even say that things are a bit boring over here. But they kind of are. Kind of. In actuality, there is never a dull moment in our house. Miss Lila would never allow that! :)

Lila is starting to talk more and more. Were working on keeping her pipe in her crib, instead of always in her mouth. But there are times it suits me more to have it in her mouth. Does that make me a terrible mother? Nah. It seems with all of my kids that as soon as we took the pipe away, they started talking, she is no exception! She still does her share of screaming and crying, but were working on it!

Elliot is Elliot. Not much to update on that boy. He is looking more and more like Landon the older he gets though. I often get a wierd feeling when looking at him that I've gone back in time. And, I definitely can't keep their names straight. I was never going to be THAT mom, but I am. "Landon, I mean Lila, I mean Bailey... ugh, I really mean Elliot". It happens all the time! I'll blame it on the chemo (how long can I use that one???)

Bailey starts girls on the run tomorrow. She is also doing swimming at school right now, so that girl has a LOT of stuff to carry back and forth! But this will be so good for her! My goal would be to be able to run the 5k with her (although she would prefer I run far far behind her) at the end. Probably won't happen, so she won't have much to worry about!

Landon... no sports right now, although baseball starts soon (right after spring break I believe). He's busy with homework every night it seems, and going to the girls basketball games, and the Bridge, and church, and this weekend he get's to go to camp for two nights with church. It looks like he will have a fabulous time!

I am doing a Mom2Mom sale at church on Saturday. If you want any of my kids clothes, be sure to come check it out! I am hoping to get a LOT priced and set out there! Not to mention toys and other miscellaneous stuff. There are 25ish sellers that will be there, so you'll have plenty of options!

And, a post without a picture, just isn't a post! Elliot playing DSI with his friends in the fort that we built. We love to build forts this time of year!

And, a great quote (something to think about) from Forgotten God by Francis Chan...
We overanalyze the things that don't deserve a second thought and we blow right past the clear, obvious, important things in life.

Other books I've been enjoying right now...
Crazy Love by Francis Chan
Remembering the Forgotten God (a workbook to go with Forgotten God)
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
Jesus Lives by Sarah Young
and this book has been pretty good (ok, really good) as well!

Various Stuff

2011-02-22T07:41:00.000-05:00

Just a couple of sentences from various books that I read this morning...

Pray all the time. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

How would my life change if I thought of each person I come in contact with, as Christ?

It ought to be the business of EVERY day to prepare for our FINAL day!

Have a great Monday!

Good reminder from "crazy love"

2011-02-19T21:14:00.001-05:00

When we face the holy God, "nice" isn't what we will be concerned with, and it definitely isn't what he will be thinking about. Any compliments you received on earth will be gone; all that will be left for you is truth.

Just read that, among many other things in this book it made me stop and think!

You can't exagerate God

2011-02-16T07:21:00.000-05:00

I was sitting with God this morning, spending time in His word. I've felt very convicted lately at how little time I do spend with him versus how much time I spend with other things. Things of this world. So, I'm making an effort to spend more time with him. Time in prayer, studying His word, listening (this one is very hard for me) and worshiping.

I had three books open this morning. My bible, a sample of the book Jesus Calling (which I got for free here, I will be buying both the adult version and the kid version of this book soon) and I picked up Crazy Love again. Oh, and my BSF was out as well. All four of these rescources kept pointing me to spending more time with Him. And recognizing what a big God he is. I loved the line in Crazy Love (now highlighted and underlined and starred) that said He is a God that can not be exagerated. WOW. Wow.

My prayer this morning:
God, I want to know you better. I want your love to flow from me. I want to trust you with my life and my kids lives. You are so much bigger than I could ever even imagine. I tend to put you in the little box of my understanding, but you are SO much more than anything I could ever comprehend. You are so much bigger than my time encased, air, food and sleep dependant life. You are set apart and Holy. Perfectly Holy. You are a God, my God, that I couldn't exagerate if I tried. You know me, you know every detail of my life before I do. You know the details that I try to hide from others. You know when I'm hurting, when I'm weary, when I'm angry and happy. God, I was created by you and for you, but I constantly fail to recognize that. I want to believe that you were created for me and my purposes. I am here to bless you by blessing others. I'm here to love you and others through you. Each day I should be asking what I can do for you, but to often I end up telling you what I want you to do for me. God, please help me to change that. Help me to live for you. Help me to see your will and follow it. God, help me to come to you for refreshment instead of turning inward to myself. I want to receive the perfect peace that only you can offer. Help me to focus on you instead of the plans and problems of the day, knowing tha tyou will give me strength if I seek your face always. Help me to follow the command of 1 Corinthians 7:31, to not dwell on things of this world, things that won't matter in eternity, but to focus on you.
Thank you for your grace, your forgiveness and your strength. Without these things I am nothing.
Amen

Prayers Please

2011-02-14T13:44:00.000-05:00

Please join me in praying for cancer to disappear for my friend Kristi. God hears our prayers!

Kristi is a "member" of our Cancer Club (she's the one next to me), she is super sweet and needs our prayers!

Red Rug & Piggytails

2011-02-14T13:20:00.003-05:00

Love this girl

2011-02-14T10:18:00.001-05:00

Decorating

2011-02-12T13:42:00.000-05:00

I'm almost embarresed to say that Lila is going to be 2 in April and I JUST got done decorating her room. For the LONGEST time she had NOTHING on her walls. They were just a pale yellow (which is what we painted it when we thought it would be an office). The other day I told Matt that I wanted to paint her room. He wasn't to happy about that. At all. (Matt is not so fond of painting). So, instead I decided to embrace the color and roll with it.

It started with a good cleaning. (aka get rid of almost everything).

All of her toys went into her closet. She doesn't have that many upstairs, and the ones that she did have, she really doesn't play with, she much prefers to go in her brothers room and play with the ones he doesn't want her to.

Next was finding the fabric to do this project (which I've linked to before, I knew I wanted to try it, just didn't know where). I originally wanted to find a red background with white polkadots. But after walking around the fabric store for a while (being led by a defiant toddler that screeched every time ANYONE came near her), I found this instead, and it was on the clearance rack. $3.47/yard. That's a deal! So I settled. (which I still have mixed feelings about).

I got a picture printed from when we were in Florida last year (12x18), Lila was wearing a red and white striped outfit, and she looked pretty darn cute, hot glued some ribbon to the back and hung it up. So easy!

Next I printed a "Love One Another" sign from Becky Higgins. I printed mine in an 11x14 size, I knew that i already had a frame for that size, so this was perfect! I'm still undecided about the feather, but for now it's pretty securely up there!

(Before starting this redo I hadn't noticed how much yellow and red she already had in ther room... books, frames, letters... all kinds of stuff)

While surfing blogland yesterday I spotted this:

JoJo's Room via the boo and the boy

I wanted to do something like that garland hanging on the wall, but I couldn't tell exactly what it was. So I made up my own idea. I had a bunch of random ribbon and a piece of nylon string. Again, got out the trusty hot glue gun and glued away! I ended up with this:

(Don't mind the humidifier, I have kids that get lots of bloody noses, this is supposed to help. That's what they tell me at least)

After hanging it I had Matt come look... he walked in the room and said "What IS that?" OK, so it may not be his favorite part of the room. Whatever!

Years ago I had purchased a BUNCH of cheap white frames from Ikea. I had planned to hang them up long ago, but again, never got around to it. I had pictures in almost all of them, and I got three pictures printed for the ones that didn't have any yet. I turned to my now good friend, hot glue gun, yet again! I had started a "ribbon" theme and wanted to continue it. So, the frames all got ribbon attached to them. This is where Matt's help came in. He's the math guy. He's the perfectionist. If it were up to me, these would have been hung in a more "Good Enough" fashion. But, luckily it wasn't up to me.

He got out his level and his ruler. He then he gasped when he found out that all of the ribbons weren't exactly the same size, they were going to have to be hung at different levels to get the frames to be even. But, humored me and went with it. I have to say, I'm pretty happy with the end results.

And, do you want to know the best part of all of this (in Matt's eyes at least)? If we moved out of this house tomorrow (or redecorated or something insane like that), there wouldn't be one hole in the wall or any additional paint to paint over. Everything is removeable. 3M is going to have to start paying me (although they don't), I promote them so much.

I think this may be my favorite room in the house now, and I think it will grow with her, we will probably put her in a big bed sometime this decade and I'm sure we can find a quilt or comforter to match something in this room!

Lila even likes her new room. She loves to look at the babies on the walls, she loves to sit in her chair (which I realize doesn't match exactly) and read her books, and she loves to go to bed. OK, maybe not that last one. But she does like it!

(For some reason the "yellow" paint is looking all kinds of wonky colors, peach, tan, cream... but I promise, it's pale yellow)

Looking around to see what is next!!!

Simple

2011-02-10T09:00:00.001-05:00

So, I've said before that my word is "SIMPLE". I have it written above my computer and look at the word often, but I will admit that I'm having trouble embracing it. I have clutter everywhere. We have far to much stuff in our house. To many papers, to many games, to many books, to many doo-dads, to many clothes, to much food, to much laundry (which is in direct relation to to many clothes), to many toys, to many tv's. I want to clear it all out. But, I know that that is not practical either. So, slowly I'm going to start going through things, making things simpler and neater and more appealing, clearing out the clutter. Getting it all ready for our GIGANTIC garage sale this spring.

I love to watch hoarders. The saddest part of that show though is that I understand how people get to be that way. I understand being emotionally connected to things. I have gotten much better with age, but I used to want to hold on to EVERYTHING because it inevitably had some kind of emotion attached to it that I couldn't let go of. Something that my mom had, or made or something that my kids used when they were little. As I've gotten older (and wiser of course) I've been able to realize that they are just things. They have no place in our eternal future, therefore are not necessary in this life either. I think of how little some people have, and how happy little things make them. I think of my kids and how they seem to appreciate nothing. Because they have so much. Were going to make changes here. Were clearing things out. Were not going to make unnecessary purchases. Were going to keep things SIMPLE.

And, with any luck we'll sell enough at the garage sale so that I can get the new lens I've been lusting after for years! Oops, maybe I'm complicating things.

Permission to...

2011-02-09T13:00:00.002-05:00

After doing some blog surfing I always get inspired. Inspired to create something, or inspired to write something or inspired to better myself somehow. Amazing how a blog can do that. Today, I was inspired to give myself permission to do something. Permission to do eleven things to be exact. Eleven things in 2011. (Get it???) The only problem? I don't know what those 11 thing are yet. I've started a short list (on the piece of paper in front of me, which I know, does you no good)... but it's a work in progress. I'm thinking that since it's February and there are 11 months (including this one) left in the year, I'll add one per month??? We'll see how that goes. I think I'll add it on the sidebar, or maybe on the bottom of this blog.

What do you need to give yourself permission to do? Leave me a comment. Inspire me...

Out East

2011-02-07T15:18:00.000-05:00

Most of you know by now that I took a very spur of the moment trip out East a few weeks ago. But, I wanted to share more about my trip... and how it came to be.

My good friend EJ moved to Vermont back in the summer of '09 (or was it '08)????, anyway, it's been a while. I've wanted to go visit her for about that long as well, but the price of a plane ticket just didn't fit into my budget. And, I felt guilty taking a trip without my family, or at least my husband. So, I kept talking about it, but never went. Since EJ has moved she has had two babies (to go along with her other two boys). Each time she has a baby my desire to get out there and see her is even greater. When EJ had her first son I spent a LOT of time with him (and her), and then I had Landon 18 months later. When EJ had her second son I had a baby (Bailey) 13 days later. Our kids were close. We were close. We had gone through a lot together. When EJ had her third son I couldn't be any closer than a phone call. It sucked. And then, only 18ish months later she had her fourth son (yup, four boys... bless her heart) and I still couldn't be there. It sucked again. EJ has been home two times since moving east, but it's never for long enough.

Anyway, around November my friend Anna and I had discussed flying, saving money, getting tickets etc. It WAS going to happen, we were determined. Then came the text message.

"Hey, have you talked to our friend out east lately?" she asked.

"What are you doing this weekend?" I asked.

Fast forward a few hours. I call EJ...

"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?" I asked.

"No WAY! Are you coming?" She said.

And two days later we were headed out at 4:30 in the morning. We traveled across Michigan, across the border, to Canada, through Canada, through upstate New York (definintely not to be confused with New York city... there is NO confusion, let's just say that we passed through Carp capitol USA (don't blink or you will miss it) and an indian reservation where apparently everyone smokes. A lot. I would say that tobacco shops outnumbered the houses. A lot. Oh and somewhere in their there was a Bingo hall, just in case you need to stop if your ever in the area... fishing for carp or something).

We got stuck behind a school bus that stopped at approximately EVERY house on the main road through "town", which just gave us a chance to really appreciate the landscape. Really really appreciate it! Then we hit Vermont. A few hours into Vermont we finally arrived at EJ's house. Around 5:30pm. Pretty good time, we thought!

It was so good to see her. So good to see where she lives. So good to meet Julian and to see Rowan, Austin and Denver again. We visited, ate dinner, visited some more and then Anna and I crashed.

Friday EJ had to work so Anna and I headed out to Church street. We had directions to Pine street as well, but we never made it there. We shopped for a while and then we headed to a main attraction. Think "Everything but the...", "Chubby Hubby", "Half Baked", "Fossil Fuel", and "Mission to Marzipan". Did you figure it out? No? We headed to Ben & Jerry's for a factory tour.

Friday night we headed out to dinner, just the three of us. We sampled some fine Vermont cheeses, the girls sampled some beer, I enjoyed the water... and most importantly we enjoyed visiting and catching up! Good times! (End of first day)

Saturday we were able to go watch Denver play basketball and score a basket! Good stuff! We did lunch together and then us girls and baby Julian went shopping for a while! We picked up Thai food at night and played some Bananagrams! (End of last day)

Sunday morning we were up bright an early again (ok, so it really wasn't bright, but it sure was EARLY). We headed back out at 5:30am. At one point, the GPS got confused and tried to tell us that this would be a good route to take back home. We disagreed.

After following a few snowplows on the highway in Canada (for about an hour... at 35 mph) we were ready to start moving. We made it home by about 6:30. It was a short trip, but it was a good trip as well, good to spend time with friends, good to laugh, good to shop, good to get away! So glad to have been able to do it and so ready to go again!

Singing Valentine

2011-02-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

The Cityside Middle School Choirs (Landon is in the choir) have again decided to share their love with the Zeeland Community this Valentine's day. All proceeds will be given directly to Zeeland's City on a Hill. If you would like to send a "Singing Valentine" to a friend or loved one and support this great local cause, please visit the choir's website here before February 9, 2011. All calls will be made on February 14, 2011.

There are 9 different songs to choose from and each call is only $1.00. Seriously, what a sweet valentine and for only ONE dollar. Can't buy flowers or even a card for that!

drains, doctors and dilauded

2011-01-28T19:29:00.000-05:00

In lot's of ways this week has flown right by. In many other ways, WOW, it's been a long week! With surgery, anesthesia and pain pills everything that has happened from Monday on has been a blur. If I've talked to you please know that I didn't mean to forget everything you and I said, I just did. I had this after my previous surgery though as well, and kind of expected it. Still stinks though. The first few days home were horribly painful. Yesterday I had the desire to get out of the house to go check out a sale rack at a store downtown Zeeland (important stuff, I know)! I barely made it back home before throwing up. Not sure what all that was about. So, then I went back to bed (on the couch).

Last night I started taking one pain pill instead of two and feeling a bit more with it because of that. This morning I actually felt pretty good. I stayed on the couch until 10ish though, there is nothing I can do when I get up anyway. I went to the doctor hoping to get the two drains out. Actually, I was more than hoping. I was planning on it. Dumb. Don't ever plan on anything. I left that visit with two drains, same as when I went in. The drains go right into my skin (or something) and suck the blood/fluid out so that it doesn't accumulate under the skin causing swelling and pain (that's my definition at least, not saying it's 100% accurate or anything). The problem with carrying these drains around with me, aside from the fact that they are big and gross, is that my showers are limited to sponge baths right now. I feel gross. I've washed up a lot, I know that I'm clean, but there is something about the water running over your body that makes you feel cleaner. (I promise, don't feel like you have to try that one out on your own).

I made it through my appointment and my first haircut... and then quickly went home, took two pain pills and passed out on the couch. I haven't moved yet. My husband deserves a very big award for all he has done and is doing for me. He is the best. He doesn't complain, just does what needs to be done, expecting little to nothing from me. I know that I'm lucky!

Long term my biggest issue is going to be not lifting Lila. I've already forgotten a few times and attempted to grab her but was quickly reminded (and then consistently reminded for hours afterward) that she is above the recommended lifting limit. We've got it figured out that she can climb on my lap and snuggle, but even then she somehow knows where to hit me, kick me or push on me to cause the most pain. Oh well, this is it. This is the end. Wow! The end, didn't know that I would ever be able to say that! :)

Surgery Update

2011-01-26T13:08:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update... many of you may already know from facebook. I definitely didn't anticipate feeling this awful after surgery. In fact, I anticipated being great by now, able to get out and about etc. I knew that I wouldnt' be able to lift Lila, but didn't think I would still be stuck on the couch popping pain pills every four hours. Due to the pain pills I can't keep my eyes open either. Blah!

I ended up with two drains in again (same as when I had the original surgery). The drains mean that I can't shower until they come out (hopefully on Friday). I'm feeling rather gross right now, but have been able to wash up a few times and Matt helped me wash my hair this morning (luckily it's pretty easy these days).

Prayers for quick healing and pain relief are much appreciated!
Thanks
Lynette

Short and Sweet

2011-01-23T14:00:00.012-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day! The expanders that I've had in since my mastectomy get to come out and the new, saline implants go in!

Currently sugery is scheduled for 9:30am, it's an outpatient surgery so I should be home in the afternoon. Surgery could take 1-3 hours. Prayers are welcome and appreciated!

Simple

2011-01-21T08:01:00.001-05:00

Did you make a New Years resolution? How is that going for you? Are you out to loose weight? Get more organized? Spend more time with God? Spend less $? Be on time? Slow down? All of the above?

I don't typically make resolutions. I've learned in the past years that I can't keep them. Ideally I would love to do all of the above. And, ideally I will strive to do those things every day, resolution or not. This year though, I decided to work on a word. If you don't know about this fad, it's something I've seen on blogs and other sites, to pick a word of the year and make that your focus or resolution for the year. My word is going to be Simple. I went back and forth between a few words before settling on simple.

I need to keep things simple. As shown below there are a LOT of ways to describe this word.

When planning an activity with the kids or family, a lot of times I will get so involved in working out details that I miss the whole point of the moment. Or I get crabby when it doesn't go according to my plans. Life would be so much easier if I just kept things SIMPLE.

When at the store I see some toy on sale that I'm sure the kids would love and so I get it for them. When in reality, they would be happy if I SIMPLY got them chapstick. (or better yet pulled one out of the drawer).

You will hopefully be seeing more posts on this topic in the coming months and with any luck I will learn to be more simple (and no I don't mean unlearned)! ;)

sim·ple /ˈsɪmpəl/
[sim-puhl]

adjective, -pler, -plest, noun
–adjective
1. easy to understand, deal with, use, etc.: a simple matter; simple tools.
2. not elaborate or artificial; plain: a simple style.
3. not ornate or luxurious; unadorned: a simple gown.
4. unaffected; unassuming; modest: a simple manner.
5. not complicated: a simple design.
6. not complex or compound; single.
7. occurring or considered alone; mere; bare: the simple truth; a simple fact.
8. free of deceit or guile; sincere; unconditional: a frank, simple answer.
9. common or ordinary: a simple soldier.
10. not grand or sophisticated; unpretentious: a simple way of life.
11. humble or lowly: simple folk.
12. inconsequential or rudimentary.
13. unlearned; ignorant.
14. lacking mental acuteness or sense: a simple way of thinking.
15. unsophisticated; naive; credulous.
16. simpleminded.
17. Chemistry .
a. composed of only one substance or element: a simple substance.
b. not mixed.
18. Botany . not divided into parts: a simple leaf; a simple stem.
19. Zoology . not compound: a simple ascidian.
20. Music . uncompounded or without overtones; single: simple tone.
21. Grammar . having only the head without modifying elements included: The simple subject of “The dappled pony gazed over the fence” is “pony.” Compare complete ( def. 5 ) .
22. (of a verb tense) consisting of a main verb with no auxiliaries, as takes (simple present) or stood (simple past) ( opposed to compound).
23. Mathematics . linear ( def. 7 ) .
24. Optics . (of a lens) having two optical surfaces only.

Links I love... and projects I've made!

2011-01-19T16:15:00.001-05:00

So, my posts have been sporadic at best. I get that. We've been busy. But, I'm back! I got up this morning and actually got excited that I may be able to do a blog post. One that wasn't just words. One that might include some pictures and links!

First... some of the projects I did this winter (Christmas presents mostly)...
My friend Kim taught me how to follow this pattern and sew this purse! This one was for Bailey. I made one for myself too (ultimately I'm not happy with how long the strap was though, but I made another one too, it's gray with black dots and ruffly)!

I made these pillows (which I'm noticing now you can't see all that well). The one that says "Bailey" was for Bailey (surprise) and the "peace" one was for my sister Angela for her birthday. They both have some old chenille fabric on the front (w/ dots, something I got off ebay YEARS ago and finally was able to use) and a printed fabric on the back, the word is appliqued on. The first one took me forever, the second one wasn't that bad (cutting out the fabric letters is actually probably the worst part of the whole process). (There was no pattern for these, I bought a pillow from JoAnn's (on sale) and did the rest on my own)

There is also a brown and gold blanket there that was for Landon. The brown is what the kids called a "squirrel fur". Just a very soft material, but a nightmare to sew with. There was brown fuzz EVERYWHERE. Even sticking to the walls! I made two other similar blankets as well, with minky fabric instead of the squirrel fur, but didn't take pictures of those. They are nice, warm blankets though!

And this is the advent "calendar". Just a bunch of felt stockings that I sewed one afternoon with lot's of ric rac on them. I love ric rac. So fun! Ultimately this will not be something we use long term, but it did what it was supposed to do. The kids enjoyed looking in each day and finding what the surprise was and what story in the bible went along with it! I always have good intentions on December 1, but by December 20 we are a few days behind and it get's overwhelming! Each year I say we will do better!

So, those are a few things I've made. I haven't made anything in a long time now though, I'm sure I'll get the itch again soon and start back up!

And, on to the links! Here are a few things I want to do when I do get that itch. (some of them are just dreams, but cute ones!)

How About Orange is one of my favorite blogs to follow. I've been following for a long time. So much cute (orange) and modern stuff!
These flowers are fun...

These fabric wall decals:

These ornaments are fun... I know, wrong season, but I'm just catching up on a lot of my blog feeds:

I just (literally JUST) discovered this blog: kojodesigns
and look at these pillows: I haven't had much time to surf around the whole site, but you can bet I'll be back!

And, there's the Tater Tots and Jello site that is always good for some fun ideas:
Here's a wooden name sign (love the book one underneath as well) (actually made by the kojodesigns friends):

So much fun stuff, now to only find the time and the ambition! Let me know if you find something you like or even better link me up if you try any of these!

The tree that DIDN'T fall down

2011-01-18T12:22:00.000-05:00

I am the type of person that is easily consumed by fear. Ever since I can remember I've been scared that my house will catch on fire (resulting in my death, of course). Or a tree will blow over (in a gentle breeze or a wicked thunderstorm) and come crashing down on my house, smashing all occupants (I've even been known to make my whole family sleep downstairs if there is a threat of storms at night).

These are "what if's". I have no logical reason to fear these things. I know they are silly. These are things that Satan put in my head to turn me away from God.

When I was little and started to get consumed by these things I couldn't stop myself. I would end up sobbing and shaking (no dad, it was not my attempt at stalling bedtime), it was very very real.

As I've gotten older I've found a real cure for this fear. Something that really does calm me down. Completely.

Faith.

Knowing that God will protect me and that whatever happens is up to Him, puts me at ease (and to sleep). And really, the worst that could happen is also the best that could happen.

Looking over my BSF notes from this year I've noticed that God is teaching me more about this.
Some notes I've jotted down regarding fear and faith:

Fear grows when we see circumstances from a human perspective, Faith grows when we see circumstances from a God perspective.
Some wise man once said (sorry, I don't know who this wise man or woman was): I am a man of many trials/troubles, most of which never happened.
If we look at things from God's perspective they aren't as big or awful as they seem.
Faith looks to God to save instead of human effort. Where am I relying on someone else or something to save me?
Fear of God is living by letting God be God.
Resolving to trust God over and over again builds a life of faith.
We choose what we fix our minds on, God or our circumstances.
Satan makes us think of the things that could happen but rarely do. God wants us to stay in today.
We can't control the oppositions/fears that face us, but we choose how to react. Trust or give in?
Behind a life of great faith is a life of faithful prayer.

There is so much more that God is teaching me as well, but that is for another day.

I will add that I've been doing BSF for many years. It takes both time and commitment. Some lessons are really hard. Some are very convicting. But I love it. If your looking for a great study, you should check it out, there are men's classes, women's classes, day classes and night classes, and classes for the kids (during the mens or womens study. (or email me and I can give you more information. bell(dot)lynette(at)gmail(dot)com )

What we need?

2011-01-05T07:16:00.000-05:00

Amazing how when I start doing my bible study in the morning I don't always know what I need for the day and just start reading, sometimes out of many books, sometimes BSF lessons, sometimes straight from the bible. God always seems to know what I need though and directs me to it. It doesn't always happen instantly. Sometimes I will page around in a book for a while before I settle on a passage or story to read, but when I do settle on something, it's usually something I need, whether I knew it or not!

This was from Moments of Peace for a Womans Heart.
There are no limitations on your relationship with God. Your earthly social, & cultural standing are of no importance to him. Your gender, age, and your parentage ore of no consequence to the ruler of heaven and earth. He accepts you fully and completely as you are. You can count on that.
Galations 3:28 (msg) In Christ's family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ.

Happy Wednesday!

Our family Christmas Card...

2010-12-24T10:18:00.000-05:00

First of all I need to apologize. This is the closest anyone is getting to a Christmas card from us this year. I have a picture, but don't have time. At first I was making myself feel really bad about it, but then I started talking to many others that were not doing them either this year. I feel bad because I do love to receive cards, so I promise that next year I will be more on top of things. And who knows, there may even be a new year card or valentines card in the works. (or maybe even an easter card...).

This past year has been a whirlwind.

Lynette: I have learned more drug names and medical terms than I ever cared to learn! I have endured being more tired than I've ever felt, more pain than I've ever felt, and more appointments than I care to count. But I've also felt more love and kindness than I've ever experienced as well. That has made it all worth it. (I promise. I don't mean to sound cliche when I say that, I really DO mean it). I've made friends I would have never met had it not been for cancer, existing friendships have been strengthened because of cancer. My faith has been strenghtened because of cancer. Right now I'm working on gaining energy again, working on growing some hair and working on getting back to normal. I have one remaining surgery in January and then I should be "done" for the most part (aside from some maintenance drugs that I will have). Aside from cancer my life is pretty much the same as any stay at home mother of 4!

Matt: He keeps very busy with work. Working from home has been a huge blessing for us this year, God knows what he is doing! He has coached 3 sports in 2010 I believe. Basketball in early 2010. Baseball in the spring and football this fall. Now I think he has a break until next fall when football starts again. He was able to re landscape the lawn this fall, and build a few garden boxes so we can plant a garden in the spring. He also just built me some awsome lockers in the garage. Finally a place to put all the coats and shoes and boots and backpacks!

Landon: He's a 12 year old boy. What more can I say? (Actually, I can't say much because I'm sure anything I say will embarrass him). He is doing great in 7th grade, all A's so far. He loves his sports and his wii. He probably won't admit it if you ask, but he loves his sisters and brother as well. He went on the possum trip with church this summer and loved it. He's hoping to be able to go again next year!

Bailey: Oh the drama that comes with a girl. She's 9. I'm sure it won't get much better from here. She too is doing great in school, she loves being social, watching t.v., playing school, painting her nails and reading Diary of a Wimpy kid books. She loves her brothers and sister as well! Bailey also just got finished with basketball, it was more of a camp style, but loved what she learned. She loves to play in the driveway with Landon or Matt, but get's intimidated around other people.

Elliot: It's hard to believe that he is 4. He is in preschool this year, and will be attending young fives, I hope, next year. He loves to play with guns. Landon would have never been allowed to play with guns at his age, but there is nothing we can do to stop this boy. He builds guns out of EVERYTHING, although Trio blocks are his favorite building material. He also loves super hero's of any shape and size! He is also my cuddler. He loves to go do bed with me and snuggle! I love it!

Lila: She is a toddler. A 20 month old terror toddler. Just kidding. Kind-of. She can absolutely have us laughing one minute and then pulling our hair out the next. I love the age she is for so many reasons, one being watching her learn new things every day, but it's definitely a hard age as well. Her favorite things right now are her baby stroller, her friend Reed and cousin Parker, chap stick, markers and food. Oh, and don't forget the blankie and pipey! This is a girl that knows what she wants and will not stop until she get's it. That should serve her well in life someday, but for now it's just frustrating! but we love her dearly!

We love them all!

Hoping you have a Merry Christmas

and many many blessings for 2011!

Last One!!!!

2010-12-10T06:44:00.000-05:00

WoW! 6 weeks went by SO fast! Today is my last day of radiation. For the past six weeks I've been driving the same route every morning. Thankfully the weather was good for most of those six weeks. And, today I will drive that route for the last time. (OK, that's an exageration, this IS the same route I take to Target and Meijer and Starbucks and JoAnne's and...) All this to say... I'M DONE! Or at least at 6:30 this morning I can see that oh so bright light shining, and I've only got steps until the end of the tunnel! It's kind of like a race... I started off strong, no problem, but at this point I'm crawling to get to the finish line. I'm sick of it and I'm SOOOO tired!

For the most part radiation is easy. 5 minute appointments, the staff is wonderful, no sickness... the bad parts have been that I have a pretty intense sunburn going under my arm, at one point (no exageration) my skin was black. I've noticed about three layers of skin peeling off. (Think of the worst sunburn you've ever had... times 10) It's uncomfortable to say the least. About two weeks ago I developed shingles. Luckily I caught it relatively early and was given some medicine and it was getting better quickly. Right now I can still see the spots but have very little pain associated with them!

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers during radiation (and before). They are so appreciated, I have felt them. Truly, I have!

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds declares the Lord. Jeremiah 30:17

Advent Calendars

2010-11-23T20:18:00.000-05:00

I mentioned it before and I'm mentioning it again. I want an advent calendar. A dear friend called me and said she had picked one up for me on a recent vacation, for which I am so grateful and excited! But, I still want one "like I used to have". I remember when I was little the felt calendar that hung on the wall. My brother and I would take turns each day taking the handmade ornament out of the pocket and hanging it on a button on the tree (on the calendar) and reading the corosponding verse. The anticipation grew to the day that we could hang up the final ornament. The star. I wish we still had that calendar, I'm sure it was something handmade that my mom picked up at a craft fair somewhere, I've looked and looked and looked for a duplicate somewhere, but with no success.

While searching on Etsy yesterday I found this. I'm so excited to get it. While it's not the calendar itself, it is what I want to be IN the calendar, verses and tokens to go along with the verses.

Now, I'm going to make (with the help of my kids) a calendar of sorts to go with it. I'll be sure to show the finished product when I'm done (which could very well be next year, so please don't hold your breath).

What's your busy?

2010-11-17T19:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry. Two weeks. That's a long time. But there are two reasons for the time between posts.
1. There is nothing really new going on
2. Were just way to busy.

On dictionary.com busy is defined as the following:
–adjective

1. actively and attentively engaged in work or a pastime: busy with her work. check
2. not at leisure; otherwise engaged: He couldn't see any visitors because he was busy. check

3. full of or characterized by activity: a busy life. check
4. (of a telephone line) in use by a party or parties and not immediately accessible. check
5. officious; meddlesome; prying.
6. ornate, disparate, or clashing in design or colors; cluttered with small, unharmonious details; fussy: The rug is too busy for this room. check

I'm not complaining. We are all busy in one way or another. I think the word busy is defined by the user of the word. Busy for me may be a lazy day for someone else. Were all busy in our own ways, right?

What have I been busy with? Well... let's see. Driving the bus... oops, I mean van, to pick up and drop off kids (all while watching Baby Einsteins to keep the girl (and sometimes middleschoolers) happy), driving to and from radiation every morning, editing shoots, laundry, laundry and more laundry (although, I have to say, I'm thankful to have a washing machine so that I can do laundry), doing everything I can to keep my daughter happy (her name starts with an L), basketball games, laundry, cleaning the kids' rooms (that took 2 full days), selling kids clothes, ordering pictures, cooking dinner, deciding what to have for dinner (I realized recently that it's not making dinner that I hate, it's deciding what to have for dinner and seeing if we have the stuff to make it... my three least favorite words are "What's for dinner?"), returning basketball shoes for Landon (twice now), BSF lessons, additional time spent in prayer (although, never enough), sweepting and mopping the floor, playing games, doing puzzles and reading books, watching movies with my family, MOPS stuff, snack stuff for church, eating (ugh, I've gained to much weight, need to quit this one), and sleeping (trying to keep the energy up during the day requires a very early bedtime). And, I'm sure once I hit "Publish" I will think of 100 other things I've done this week that could go on this list.

As far as radiation goes... things have been going great. I've been home by 8:20 every morning, it's so nice to ahve it out of the way and not have to think about it every morning. I get up early (around 6), do some work and or BSF (while drinking 2 cups of coffee), get in the shower at 7:30ish, put on my comfy clothes (typically yoga pants and a zip up hoodie so that I don't have to change at the office) and head out the door at 7:50 (there is an upside to short short hair). Come home and change and I'm ready to go for the day. The skin that is in the radiation area is getting red but it's not that noticeable and it doesn't hurt or anything. I've been quite tired lately, but am still undecided if it's radiation or life. Either way, it probably won't get better anytime soon.

Anyway, just wanted to do a quick update. I've got to run and get Landon from church and pry the crying child off my leg. (No, I'm not neglecting her, this has taken me almost 2 hours to type while caring for her!)

Question of the week?

2010-11-04T17:49:00.000-04:00

OK, so there seems to be some questions about what radiation is. So, here's your lesson for the day (and mine, because I couldn't really answer that question before)!

Radiation is a cancer treatment that uses high doses of radiation to kill cancer cells and stop them from spreading. At low doses, radiation is used as an x-ray to see inside your body and take pictures, such as x-rays of your teeth or broken bones. Radiation used in cancer treatment works in much the same way, except that it is given at higher doses.

I am receiving external beam radiation. A machine aims radiation at cancer cells. Radiation is used to cure, stop or slow the growth of cancer.

Radiation therapy does not kill cancer cells right away. It takes days or weeks of treatment before cancer cells start to die. Then, cancer cells keep dying for weeks or months after radiation therapy ends.

I receive radiation treatmens once a day, 5 days a week, Monday through Friday. I will receive approximately 28 treatments. Lindy did a great job showing the building and the room where the radiation occurs here.

Radiation side effects can include fatigue, skin changes (including redness like a sunburn, itching, or dry peeling skin), tenderness and swelling.

So, there you have a description of radiation. Hope that helps!

My treatments are going great so far, I truly can not wait to get on the 8:00 schedule, this all over the place stuff is quite a pain.

**On another note... Landon did make the basketball team. Turns out there weren't 70 people trying out, but more like 35. Either way, were proud of him and all the boys that either made the team or just tried out. What would we ever do with our time without a sport to watch? (His first game is Tuesday already!)

checking in

2010-10-29T10:54:00.000-04:00

Thought I probably should check in quick, it's been a while! I've been so busy with other things that I haven't had time to do even a quick update.
Since my last update:
5 - number of photoshoots I've had (also the number still waiting to be edited)
3 - number of doctor appointments I've attended
3 - number of football games my family has competed in (finally done!)
4 - dozen cookies we've baked (and subsequently eaten)
4 - pumpkins we've carved
1 - number of photo sessions cancelled due to weather (rescheduled actually)
1 - number of "tornado watch" days with my kids home all day

OK, so individually those numbers don't look very big, but put it all together and then add in all the baths I've given, meals I've cooked, number of times I've mopped the floor, loads of laundry done, dishwasher ran (and emptied), stories I've read, paint I've cleaned up and it all adds up to quite a bit!

I will be starting radiation on Monday. The first one is just a simulation to make sure that everything is in the right place, so actualy radiation starts on Tuesday. I will have 28 treatments, I think that brings me to approximately December 10. My schedule the first week is all crazy, all over the board, but after 7 days of craziness I will then settle into a routine schedule of 8am every day. It's early, but it will be the best for having someone here watching the kids, Matt can more than likely just work from home until I get back from my appointment, Lila will more than likely still be sleeping when I get home!

I go in for another Herceptin appointment this Tuesday. I'm not sure if it's the Herceptin or not being on chemo anymore, but I am HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. I want to munch on something. With as much time as I've been on the computer, this is NOT a good thing. I want chips, I want chocolate, I want chocolate covered chips (ha, just kidding, I do want chocolate covered peanuts though). I will not be loosing any weight if things continue like this, I won't even be maintaining, I'll be gaining. Like an elephant.

Landon starts basketball tryouts on Monday, please keep him in your prayers, there are 70+ kids trying out, so lot's of competition.

Halloween tomorrow (Sunday really, but we live in Zeeland, were celebrating tomorrow). Elliot is going to be a Ninja turtle. I always made costumes for Landon and Bailey, but buying a $12 ninja turtle costume at Target seemed so easy this year, I cringe when I see it, but it's just one thing I'm letting go! He's excited! Lila is supergirl or wonderwoman. My pudgy little baby in a little leotard... I really do just want to squeeze her! Bailey is a Mime (is that even how you spell that?). All her idea. We had to search and search for a black and white striped shirt (ended up with black and gray), black berret and suspenders. We found the latter two at Claires in Holland. Did you even know there was still a Claire's in Holland, because I sure didnt! Landon... well, he's Landon. He had a halloween party at church and just wore a mask that I picked up last year after halloween at Walgreens, not sure how long he even had it on though.

OK, so I'm off to have lunch with some great ladies... but I leave you with a picture of my wondergirl!

Putting on my armor

2010-10-18T14:12:00.000-04:00

When we align ourselves with Christ we become the enemies adversary. It's a scary thought. Despite the fact that the enemy has already been defeated by Christ at the cross, he will continue to attack us and keep us from putting our faith in God. We don't need to fight him, but we do need to resist him and his lies daily. When we resist, he flees. (See James 4:7)

Use your weapons, the Holy Spirit, the belt of truth, the body armor of righteousness, shoes of peace, shield of faith, helmet, and your sword (the most powerful weapon of all... the bible) (See Ephesians 6:14-17).

You have prayer, faith, hope, love and the Word of God on yoru side. The Holy Spirit within you is far greater than all the powers of darkness combined. (See 1 John 4:4)

I feel like the enemy is attacking me a lot lately. I get in these slumps where I am just down. Nothing is right or good and I get angry easily. I tend to be able to hide these feelings from the outside world, but my family sees it. And it is not pleasant. I feel bad. I didn't really realize I was feeling or acting this way until this morning when Matt asked me why I was always crabby? Hmmmm.

About two weeks ago I quit taking my sleeping pills to sleep at night. (That is going quite well, sleep, that is). But, because I didn't need anything to sleep, I was no longer forced to take a pill evey night. But that also meant that I didn't take any pills. Including my anti-depressent, Zoloft, which I have been on pretty consistently since Elliot was born. Yikes. Just realized it today, it's probably been two weeks since I've taken one (which would also explain all of the vertigo that I've experienced lately). So, I need to be more deliberate about taking that, because without it, the devil certainly has a way of sneaking in on me, tearing up relationships, making me feel really bad about myself, tearing my whole world down. I realize that pills are not a specific part of the armor of God, but it is a part of my helmet, it helps to protect my mind from doubting God's promises. It is frustrating to know that I still depend on these little yellow pills so much, I was hoping that at some point I would no longer need them, but it is what it is and if they make me a better person, I'll go with it!

Whoa... talk about open and honest You sure are getting a good glimpse into my real life, I'm sure putting myself out there, but I have confidence that we all have our issues and you all understand at least a little!

And, because a post isn't complete without an adorable picture... here ya go!

Tough Love

2010-10-15T21:03:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have seen me at church this morning before MOPS. Most of you did not. Some of you may have noticed that one of my dear children was still in pajamas. Many of you may not have noticed. No, it wasn't the baby, although her runny nose and cough are what prevented us from staying for MOPS (your welcome, I didn't put her in nursery)! It was Elliot. He's 4. He hid in dark corners so that people hopefully wouldn't see him in his footie jammies.

Let me start from the beginning. Getting him dressed in anything but basketball shorts and t-shirts is a big issue for us. Before school started I made him a deal that he had to put on whatever clothes I picked out for school, church and if we went away somewhere "important". The rest of the time, as long as he was inside, I don't care what he wears. This went well for about a week. The last few weeks have been difficult though. He doesn't want to wear "those" jeans. He doesn't like "that" shirt. I'm sick of fighting about it. Every morning is a battle that I just don't have the energy to fight.

So, this morning I got out jeans and a shirt (one that buttoned, so we know it wasn't basketball worthy). I laid them on the floor and told him to get dressed. I told him if he didn't get dressed he was going to wear his pajamas to church. I've threatened this multiple times, most of the time it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Today, it didn't. So, 10 minutes later, as were getting closer and closer to the time we need to leave he is still in his pajamas, playing in his room. I walked in. Picked him up. Carried him out of the room. Closed the door. And wouldnt' let him go back in. I think he finally realized that I meant it. He brushed his teeth (I think he was scared not to), and then I announced it was time to leave. He "WAS NOT" going to go with me. "OK, stay here BY YOURSELF then". And off I walked, closed the door and started the van. That scared him even more. (I don't condone parenting with scare tactics all the time, but sometimes that is what works.). He ran outside. I opened his door and told him to get in. He said no. I backed up the van like I was going to leave. He stood screaming in the driveway (sorry neighbors). I gave him "one more chance" (I had to give him lot's more chances on this one, because I'm sure that I could get in a bit of trouble for leaving my four year old home alone). He decided to climb in at this point.

We got to church. He said he wasn't getting out. I told him he was. He was SO embarresed. I got Lila out and then carried him out. He was not going to come into church though, so I had to carry him in (again, probably could get into trouble leaving the screaming four year old in the parking lot alone). He walked around church finding every dark corner that he could.

I'm sure many who saw him wondered what in the heck my child was doing. What kind of mother would let her kid go to church in his pajamas. Well, trust me. It was HARD for me to do. I like my kids to look presentable (most of the time) adn this wasn't the look I was going for. But let me make you a promise. HE WILL NEVER NOT GET DRESSED AGAIN. It was well worth it not to have to do that battle again!

So, that was my tough love parenting adventure for the day!

The B-I-B-L-E

2010-10-15T04:03:00.000-04:00

Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God's way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (The Message)

[When reading the bible] we are tempted to pull out the things we want to believe and ignore the things we don't.
The Bible is not a human book. It is beautifully written, but it is not literature, or a collection of stories and fables. It is the inspired Word of God.
[The Bible] is my safeguard against false teaching and my guiding light for how to live. It reveals the true charecter of God and the full life I can have in His presence.
Just because we can't or won't follow the Bible's teaching perfectly, or we are perplexed by some of it, doesn't mean that it isn't truth. It simply means we can't or won't follow God's word to a tee. And this is no suprise to God. We all fall short of His glorious standard.
Every word [in the bible] is truth. Every word is God breathed.

(From Grace for each Hour by Mary J Nelson)

I remember in high school a friend was justifying some things she was/we were doing because of different ways of living in the bible times/different cultures etc, but ultimately she was trying to make herself (us all) feel better about our blatent sins. It was wrong. God said it was wrong. There is no changing Gods word. It was true then. It is true now. Nothing has changed. Lucky for us, God knew we couldn't live to His standard and sent us his Son so that our sins would be forgotten.

Happy Friday!

Picture Recap

2010-10-09T22:12:00.001-04:00

Don't these look delicious? I sure think so. They were delicious too! Marshmallows, sucker sticks, chocolate, graham crackers and oreos (oh, and a little peanut butter on a few as well, my favorite). These were used instead of a cake for Elliot's birthday party!

Little goodie bags for the kiddo's! A little flaarp and some candy!

The crew, just before going on the train ride! The kiddo's LOVED the ride, Elliot LOVED the train ride. Elliot loved having a party! Elliot loves being 4! What fun it was to have Tom's Train entertain us/the kids!

And... Team BELLieve! Two seperate pictures because there was just way to many people to fit into one! Seriously, this was amazing, you were amazing, the event itself was amazing, to see so many survivors was amazing. It was a great event!

Crossing the finish line!

More pictures can be seen on my facebook page, feel free to check them out there, and tag yourself while your there as well, I coudlnt' possibly tag everyone myself!

I met with the radiation oncologist on Friday. It was a LONG appointment with lot's of technical details that, to be quite honest, I don't remember much about (or even really care). I get to go back on Tuesday morning (followed by my first herceptin only treatment), and then will start radiation in about 2 weeks. I just want to get going. Because, ultimately I just want to be done!

Linky link link

2010-10-06T21:04:00.000-04:00

I'm still torn on my feelings regarding bib necklaces. Not sure I'm in love with them, but this did catch my eye, maybe it's the color.... who knows, maybe someday I will learn to love them and just HAVE to create!

Praying for this little girl and her family tomorrow! Will you join me? (Oh, and her mom, pretty darn crafty too...)

Kim actually posted about these on her blog, she made them into magnets though! Love this idea!

I kind of like this bag, but this would require me buying and following a pattern. I don't like patterns.

And, I realize it's not even Halloween yet, but I looked high and low last year for an easy advent calendar. And came up with NOTHING! So, this year I've started looking early. So far I've found a few that I like, but am totally open to suggestions as well (did you see those price tags???)! (Link me up please!)

This project may (or may not) be a hint at one of my purchases at the Antique Fair a few weeks ago...

This skirt is kinda cute!

Here's another cute bag.

And it's done...

2010-10-05T23:18:00.001-04:00

I didn't expect to feel this way. I expected to be thrilled that I was done with chemo. But this morning I found myself near tears a few times and unable to answer the question of "Are you happy to be done?". I didn't want to feel this way, I wanted to feel confident and ready to move on. My friend Amy was quick to assure me that it was normal to feel this way, which made me feel a bit better. At least I was normal.

Then I tried to go to bed around 8:30 tonight, I was tired and my legs were hurting already. It's 10:50 and I'm still awake. My mind just will not stop. So, I decided to see if in one of my numerous cancer devotionals I could find one that addressed the feelings I was having. Of course they did, haven't I learned that God always comes through?

(Loosly based on a devotional by Barbara Johnson, from "Praying Through Cancer", some words were changed and added to apply to me)

When my treatment ended and the doctor said I was done with chemo, I found myself in totally new territory. Expecting to feel happy and full of joy, instead I found myself tense - and lonely. Now that was an emotion I hadn't expected! But that's truly how I felt. Despite all my complaining about the ongoing tests and medications, the thought of not having weekly appointments made me feel like I was being tossed out on my own.

(Again, loosly based on a devotional by Joanne Arentson, from "Praying Through Cancer", some words were changed and added to apply to me)

Just one chemo treatment left. Fear quietly became my companion as the day approached, not the fear of dying from breast cancer, but the fear of life beyond it. I was dreading the end of the sessions, not because I enjoyed being fatigued and nauseated, rather, I'd have nothing left to hide behind once I was deemed healthy. That scared me.
Being treated for cancer afforded me a sort of protection. Expectations were lower. People were kinder. Now I would be accountable for my "job" performance (a.k.a how clean my house was), my level of activity, my responses to people. How would I fare without the familiar armor?

My words are never good enough, but the words of others do a fabulous job of telling how I'm feeling. This is really heavy and I didn't expect to feel like this, it's going to take some prayer and working through to be get past it.

Thank you to the people that stopped by today and for the numerous cards that I received, in the mail, at chemo and in my car! Thank you for the flowers, the candy, the wine and the cake! You are all fabulous, I appreciate you helping me to celebrate a milestone in this journey! Thank you to all of my friends that have listened to me complain, tried to understand what I'm feeling, been there for me no matter what. You have all made this so much easier on me than it could have been. (I'll accept my Acadamy Award now... doesn't that previous paragraph make you think of an awards speech?)

A snippet of the prayer from one of the devotionals:
You simply desire that I trust in you and do good, dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. You tell me to delight myself in You and You will give me the desires of my heart. Help me to be content with just that. Help my focus to rest on trusting You, doing good, dwelling, enjoying life and delighting in You.

Update

2010-10-01T20:17:00.000-04:00

So... what's new?
Cancer talk:
ONE chemo treatment left! ONE! ONE! Did you catch that? That's ONE! I think I mentioned that I had a week off. It was a great week. I dare say that I felt almost normal. What is normal? Whatever it is, I was almost there!
I walked the Susan G Komen Grand Rapids on Saturday with a couple of other people. Just a couple! (Like 6000). I would love to be able to run it next year, it's a good goal!
On Sunday I went to Allegan. I know, it sounds exciting. But, we went to the Allegan Antique Market. The biggest garage sale I've ever seen. You know I love garage sales (sarcasm intended). This wasn't all that bad though. I actually got a few great finds (Someday I'll show them off, but please don't hold your breath). I look forward to going back next year!
Then on Tuesday I had cancer again. Meaning I had to go have chemo. I really have felt pretty decent throughout this whole chemo thing that sometimes I feel like I only have cancer on Tuesdays. Ugh. I was quickly reminded what I felt like prior to a week off. Super dee duper tired (yup, super dee duper... I said it again). By wednesday afternoon I was slightly nauseous. Not real hungry (not complaining about that side effect at all). Just no energy to do ANYTHING. Although I did go for a fast, 3 mile walk on wednesday morning while E was in school, which could explain the lack of energy I suppose. I was in bed around 7:30 Thursday night, and it felt good.
The good news. Only one more week! ONE!

Football:
Yup. Lot's of it. Landon's team is 2-1, Matt's is the same (I think). Wednesday night games make doing church stuff very difficult. Very. Three games left though and then we get a break!

Ummmm, yeah. So that's it for now. I am hoping to come back with pictures of E's birthday party and Team Bell-ieve this weekend.

Good Morning

2010-09-30T08:28:00.000-04:00

Just some words on prayer this morning (from Grace for Each Hour by Mary J Nelson)

When we pray, we often ask for the wrong things, ask with the wrong motives, or we don't ask at all. And then we wonder why He's silent (James 4:2-3)
All you need is a humble heart and sincere faith to seek God in prayer. Give PRAISE because He is an awsome God; CONFESS your brokenness and your need for Him; ASK because He is the giver of all good things. Pray to the Father, in the name of His Son, in the power of the Spirit. Ask God to change your desires so they line up perfectly with His will (1 John 3:21-22)
Ask and expect to receive. He hears you knocking, and He always opens the door.

And from another reading in the same book:

James 5:14-15 Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. And their prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well. And anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven.
All too often, instead of gathering around and praying over us as the Word commands, friends quietly tell us we're in their prayers. And at church, our prayer requests often slip discreetly into the hands of strangers on a prayer chain. It's just more comfortable that way... no less effective, just more comfortable.

That was convicting to me. I'm not a person that is comfortable praying out loud, I'm quick to say a prayer by myself, but to pray out loud for someone, in front of them is way outside my comfort zone. I need to work on that.

Some thing's I'm lovin' right now...

2010-09-23T17:23:00.000-04:00

This idea using fabric on the walls! And this example is super cute! And, best of all, if you get sick of it, you can peel it right off and do something different! It's about as good as Command Adhesive!

All of these people! Look at this team! Are you AMAZING or what? I sure do think so!

You will defininetly be seeing my version of this on my walls soon! My version will be a touch easier and have a black frame! (when I say soon, think 2011 or so) To find the pattern go here, scroll down to free patterns and then scroll down that page!

This blog post. Very convicting.

This wreath! Her's is for spring, mine may just be for Christmas. OK, who am I kidding, that would be Christmas 2011.

This bag is awfully cool too. But it looks time consuming and a bit confusing. Maybe someday!

Learning to sew some of these would be fabulous as well. Miss Lila has some BIG thighs that need stretchy, wide leg pants. Probably w/o the knees though.

A super easy quick craft to do with Bailey would be these!

And, last but not least, I may have to try one of these with a recent Goodwill find.

Oh, and one more. I think instead of cupcakes or cake for E's party we will have these delicious treats! (I need to get on that though... yikes!)

Whew! Are you linked out? Because I sure am!

WOW - busy busy busy

2010-09-22T15:39:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to update for days, but just have not had the time!

First, I should go backwards! Elliot started preschool last week! He get's to go with his buddy Brecken, which is the coolest thing EVER according to him!

We had a little boy with a big birthday this weekend! Elliot is now 4 years old! He's lovin' it too!

Oh yeah, and Lila enjoyed his birthday as well! The girl enjoyed the cake! (Suprised???) Elliot got some fabulous gifts that he enjoyes SO much, he had a great time celebrating with family and next weekend he get's to celebrate with friends as well! What a lucky lucky 4 year old!

And, did you notice anything new (and shiny) on miss Lila? She got her ears pierced on Saturday! What a brave girl. She cried for a second and then it was sucker time, that took all the tears away!

Lila got a bit mad when I took the greem marker away!

This is an every day occurance! "MAMA"!

Chemo: Still 2 left. They decided to take a break for a week, but instead of skipping one, they are just adding a week to the end. Bummer, I still have to say two left, but really in the end it's ok. I'm ok with having a week off, having a bit more energy for the race this weekend and life in general. We have a super busy week (or at least I do), with something going on every night! Oh well, we shall survive, we always do!

Off to a football game! Sorry for the lack of blogging and then the super short update, I'll try to find a bit more time soon!

Who do you say I am?

2010-09-15T08:11:00.000-04:00

In Matthew 16:15 Jesus asked, "Who do you say I am?"

If Jesus asked you this question today, how would you answer?

Simon Peter answered this question by calling Jesus the Messiah, the Son of the living God.

The Bible promises those that confess that Jesus is Lord can have:
Faith instead of fear
Health instead of sickness
Hope instead of despair
Peace instead of worry
Provision instead of lack

In the midst of our suffering, we can have a quality of life that knows no anxiety, no doubt, and no hopelessness... a quality of life where no test report, no doctor visit and no chemo treatment, no bad news, no demands, no phone call can penetrate the perfect peace that rests deep within our spirit.

Do you hunger for peace like this? Have you invited Jesus into the center of your life? You should know the Lord is a gentle man, he will not come barging uninvited through your front door like a knight in shining armor, claiming to be your Messiah and demanding that you surrender your life to Him. You are not a puppet on a string, and he is not some divine puppeteer orchestrating your every thought and every move from a heavenly realm. He chose you first, to love you and die for you, to invite you into His kingdom to live with Him forever (John 15:16). But He gave you the freedom to accept or reject His offer. Who is this Jesus? The final choice is yours. Choose wisely... your very life depends on it.

From "Grace for each hour" by Mary J Nelson

Only 2 more chemo treatments and I'm DONE!!!! Yeah!!! My counts are continuing to drop. My white is currently at 2.0 (normal, w/o chemo is 4-11.0), but my neutrophil count is 1.2 (normal is 1.52-7.7), good news though is that I'm not anemic at all. As long as my neutrophil count is above 1.0 they will continue to do treatments as scheduled. They say that the low counts could be contributing to my exhaustion, but they are not low enough to do anything about it. The Ritalin I was trying to use to combat the exhaustion was making me feel very jittery inside, so I'm trying not to take it unless I have to! Really, I know that I am very lucky, compared to a lot of people I feel very good, I'm still able to go about my day to day, even doing extra things beyond what is required of me as a mom and wife. I'm not throwing up, I don't seem to have anymore bone pain that can be associated with Taxol, and the neuropathy is getting better/non-existent. I do have some pretty intense heartburn, like worse than being pregnant heartburn, but that is minimal compared to what it could be! I am so grateful for all of the prayers being said during this time, I know that without you all, your prayers and my faith in an awesome God, I couldn't have done this!

Landon has a football game tonight, if interested in his schedule you can find it here: 7th Grade Football Schedule

More finished projects

2010-09-06T16:36:00.000-04:00

So, for Lilas skirt, I ended up not having a big enough piece of any of my fabric, and I didn't really want to get any more. I had to improvise. Like I said, hers is only one layer, I think I like two better for the weight, but for now one will work. I used about 22 3" pieces, sewed them all together and that was my skirt piece. Super easy, and this one only took me about 2 hours total! It's so hard to guess how long it really took because of all the interuptions! (My model was a little unwilling, can you tell?)

And, Bailey's backpack. It's been "almost" finished for quite some time, but today I put the finishing touches on and it's ready to go for tomorrow morning! :)

Happy first day of school to everyone!

"Labor"ing this weekend

2010-09-05T14:11:00.001-04:00

There is a TON of laboring going on over here. If you've driven by our house at all, you may have noticed the rocks that took up a good portion of the driveway ("took" being the key word here), or the huge pile of dirt in the front yard. My amazing husband has been working overtime to get it all taken care of. Our landscape was in desperate need of some new rocks. There were some when we moved in, but they had been there a while and were pretty thin in spots, not to mention the lava rock that was mixed in with the regular rocks was quite an eyesore. Some of the landscape has been reconfigured, some was added and some just received new covering! It looks amazing if I do say so! Did I mention my husband is amazing? He is also spreading dirt out in the yard to make it even/fill in the holes. We moved in exactly two years ago now (I can't even believe that), it's finally time we did this stuff, we just never seemed to have enough time. Is there ever enough time?

OK, so that's not all he's doing. He is also going to build some garden boxes so that we can plant a garden next year. We always have good intentions of doing this, but the boxes were never done, and once again, there was never time, so we figure if the boxes are done next year, we may actually do it! Matt's got a whole list of things he wants to plant. I am SO not a green thumb, so this is going to have to be his thing, I'll help where I can, I just don't know anything about any of it!

And me. Well, I'm working on pictures this weekend, lot's of editing to do! I also started another project. Did I ever tell you that I DO NOT sew? I've never had the patience to actually follow a pattern, that and I didn't understand what a pattern was telling me to do. So I always gave up. This weekend I got an itch to try it again. Matt always rolls his eyes when I get these urges. His exact words were "I feel like you are going to be extremely frustrated". Thanks Matt.

But, I found an easy pattern on "The Polka Dot Chair" blog and was able to follow it almost exactly. I made one change to make it a bit easier, but nothing that would be noticeable! The skirt is FAR from perfect, but I think it looks great anyway especially for my first time! Bailey loves it as well!

With any luck, Lila will have a cute matching one tomorrow, but hers won't be two layers, just to save a few steps, and hopefully an hour or so. This thing took me approximately 8 hours to make (there were breaks in there to pick up kids, play with kids, cook dinner, eat dinner, bathtime, bedtime... so maybe 4ish hours really). You can bet that by 10:00 when I got done my eyes were hardly open anymore and my head was spinning, but I just HAD to get it done!

I hope that everyone is enjoying thier labor day weekend. Enjoying this chilly, but beautiful weather. I noticed the clouds yesterday were really looking fall like. All fluffy and gray. It really made me want to eat chili and got to Cranes and pick apples. But, that will have to wait! A few weeks at least!

It's official...

2010-09-02T14:04:00.000-04:00

the school year is about to begin. We did our picture/packet pick up day yesterday with Landon (who claimed I talked to much while we were there, but it was great to see so many people that I don't get to see all the time or only see on facebook) and Bailey's open house at New Gronigan as well, where I guess I apparently talked quite a bit as well, but it was wonderful to finally meet Lindy there, and see many many other familiar faces as well! I really am ready for the kids to go back to school. Mostly right now because I feel bad for them. My energy level is very very low right now, which means we do a lot of sitting around, inside the house, being bored. It will be good for them to get back out with thier friends and moving around, doing things.

Elliot get's to start school the following week, which will mean lot's of running around, but he is SOOo ready. Although, I'm not convinced he is ready for school as much as going to school WITH BRECKEN. Either way, it will be good for him!

I also am ready to start BSF. So ready to get back into some regularity and to study Isaiah. I've found so many meaningful verses in that book just from the bible studies I've done this summer.

For the most part I've been sleeping great, but I seem to wake up around 5:30 or 6 every morning. I'm wide awake and I know that it's God's way of getting me to do some extra praying and studying. I actually end up enjoying this time, it's quiet and I'm able to go through my prayer list and pray specifically for everyone and everything I can think of. This morning though, I was resistent. It was gray outside and surely didn't feel like morning. But then I got a bloody nose, so I had to get up. That took a little while to stop, and I was just going to go back to bed, I was tired. I walked back to my bed only to see my insulin pump light on, telling me that I was out of insulin. So I had to refill that as well. God was NOT going to let me settle back in to a good sleep until I spent some time talking with him. He's a persistent guy like that!

My energy level is getting lower and lower every day. A simple trip to get school supplies is exhausting to me. I tried taking some medications to help it, but I don't like the way they make me feel either. Just something I have to deal with for a few more days I suppose. My stomach has also been a bit upset so I'm not eating much, not that I can't stand to lose a few pounds, but this may not be the best time to do it either.

A BIG thank you to everyone that has offered to help lately, and those that have helped. Even the little things get noticed and I appreciate it all so much. Seriously, I am so grateful to have such amazing people in my life! Thank you!

Enjoy your last summer weekend! We have a driveway full of rocks that need to be spread out, if you get bored I'm sure Matt wouldn't turn down any help! ;)

Miscellaneous

2010-08-31T11:02:00.000-04:00

Community Reformed (our church) is starting a MOPS program this fall. We will be meeting on the first and third Friday of the month. They have started a wonderful blog full of great information, we would love to have you join us. The open house is Friday, September 17 from 9:30-11:00 a.m. There will be refreshments, a chance to meet the steering team, & a kids craft. You will receive a welcome packet when you register. We've got some great speakers and craft projects lined up!

We are also doing a fundraiser on September 11. A garage sale at the church. You can reserve a table to sell your own things at for just $10 (think of how much you would have to spend on advertising for your own garage sale, this is a great deal), you keep your profits, or you could donate items for us to sell and we keep the profits. Either way, it's a great way to get rid of some junk!

On another subject comepletely... I'm growing hair. My shower this morning took longer than usual because I had to shave. Definitely didn't miss that ordeal. My hair on my head is growing longer every day (and every morning I get up and check it out and then make Matt look at it too, he's kind of sick of it). Yay for hair!!!!

I have five treatments left! FIVE! I'll be thrilled to be done with all that, although I'm far from done. I will then have radiation (the thought of that scheduling nightmare stresses me out more than I care to admit) and then Herceptin treatments once every three weeks until next July(ish). Today my appointment is much later in teh afternoon than normal, I'm hoping to still get out on time, I've got a photoshoot tonight as well! Busy busy busy!

Meals

2010-08-24T17:14:00.003-04:00

I've had a few people ask why I don't have any meals scheduled anymore. For a while I felt guilty letting others cook for me, I was feeling pretty good, had decent energy and there really wasn't a great reason not to do it ourselves. But, as I get more and more worn out and with Matt being gone 3-4 nights per week it's getting harder and harder to get time (and energy) to cook something. So, I've added a few dates to the ekklesion site (see link on the right side of blog), please read the info at the top of the page (on the ekklesion website) as I've revised it just a bit. Any help is appreciated, if you can't bring a meal, but want to help, gift cards are great options too, we have been so blessed by so many of you doing wonderful things to help us out in this way (both meals and g.c.'s), you can't possibly know how helpful this was and continues to be for us! Thank you!

For the Broken

2010-08-24T17:02:00.000-04:00

In Isaiah 6:10, Isaiah said that those who do not seek to know and understand God have hardened their hearts against Him and cannot turn to Him for healing. Only when our hearts are broken can God shower us with righteousness (Hosea 10:12). (Fill in the blank here, make it personal) broke my heart wide open. It shattered It into a million pieces. It was my brokenness that allowed the Word of God to slowly begin penetrating the depths of my hearts (Prov. 4:20-22). And, it was through that brokenness that God could begin the most significant restoration project in my life.

Have you given God the pieces of your broken heart? Sometimes we hold on to our brokenness because we’re not finished grieving, were not finished being angry, or we simply don’t trust Him to make us whole again. But, God wants to fill the empty void you feel in the pit of your soul. He wants to send you a skilled craftsman, one who knows every piece of your shattered heart. One who knows your every pain, one who has shared in your suffering, and one who can put the pieces back together and make you well and whole and more beautiful than before. (Isaiah 61:1). He wants to give you Jesus.

Just some thoughts and inspiration from a book I was given by a dear friend. The book is called "Grace for each hour" by Mary J Nelson.

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Pictures

2010-08-18T16:07:00.000-04:00

I promised some of these pictures a while ago... but it took way longer to finish than I thought it would!

Not the greatest pictures, but I took these with my old camera so that I wouldn't have to resize them for uploading. I now wish that I had painted the larger frames with chalkboard paint, but I won't tell you how many coats matt put on them to get them perfect and I didn't dare ask for a change! :) All in all I'm happy with how it turned out!

FYI, these are all hung with Command Adhesives, best invention EVER! No holes in the wall and when I want to take them down I can and no one will ever know there was anything there!

I started Bailey's backpack, just that one ruffle on the bottom, but I was super excited with the change that just that one ruffle made! So much more personal! Can't wait to get more on there. Slowly but surely!

And... look what I got working today! I was doing all the sewing by hand and wow that was taking forever, now I can go much faster!

Links galore

2010-08-16T21:20:00.000-04:00

Seriously trying to do this for Bailey this year... so super duper cute!

Some SUPER cute roses...

How cute is this t-shirt. Reminds me of something I would get at Ann Taylor Loft!

Wouldn't Miss Lila look absolutely ADORABLE in this?

OK, that's good for now, but I've got lot's more. Now if only I knew how to fix my sewing machine, but then I guess I would have to figure out how to work the silly thing! I don't really have the patience for sewing, but I sure wish I did!

Losing my mind and painfully tired

2010-08-16T13:32:00.000-04:00

WOW, what a difference a few days makes. I am seriously losing my mind. I can remember just about nothing. I start doing something and can't remember what it is I'm doing (while doing it). Two minutes ago I couldn't think of the website name where you can upload videos. You know, the popular one. The one everyone uses... yeah, that one. I hope that it is just a result of being painfully tired. Yes, I said PAINFULLY tired. Worn out. Fatigued. I've been sleeping ok, so I'm guessing its just from the chemo, but it really stinks! Seven more weeks! Seven more weeks! I CAN do it! I'm still not "sick" and I can still do everything I need to do so I'm still considering myself very lucky, just had to complain for a minute!

Note to self...

2010-08-14T15:01:00.001-04:00

Cleaning out the closet takes a lot more effort and a lot more time these days. I decided to get our closet clean this morning. We do not have closet doors, so this really is a necessary evil. Don't get me started on why we don't have closet doors, we just don't right now. Never have actually. Ten+ years of marriage and no closet doors. In the big scheme of things, closet doors don't matter though!

Matt was responsible for his half (actually more like 3/4) of the closet, so I didn't have that much to do. I've been really good the last 6 months or so of getting rid of clothes I don't wear, so there really isn't that much left as far as clothes go. But I do have a bag and blanket obsession that needed to be sorted through. That and all the little projects that have found thier way to the shelf, and the tub of shoes that lie on the floor. Anyway, it was a lot of work. By the end I was laying on the floor nearly sleeping with a back ache like I haven't had before. It occured to me that chemo really is taking a toll on my body. Even if I don't feel it every day. It's all accumulating, making life just a little bit harder. But, as always, it could be worse! It could be much worse.

Last weekend I had the honor of second shooting a beautiful wedding with my friend Becky (of Bee Tree Studios). The details of this wedding were incredible. Such a laid back, yet stunning event!

Landon had a fabulous time on his Possum Trip. They went to Chicago, St Louis, Minneapolis and Madison. You can read more about their trip here.

On Wednesday I was able to go with some friends and our daughters to Chicago for the day. All of the girls bought new dolls at American Girl. When we got to the store, I was completely stubborn about Bailey not getting a new doll, but in the end it was all her money and she could do whatever she wanted, so, a doll it was. A curly hair doll. While we were there we saw a doll getting her hair done at the salon, this doll and wicked hair. Someone had had way to much fun with her. I'm glad that Bailey got to see it so she knows that it can happen and that her mom really isn't that mean when I tell her not to do her hair to much!

We also hit up Cheesecake factory where our waiter was quite a charecter. By the end (or actually middle) of the meal we were scared to say "thank you", our waiter ALWAYS responded with "No, Thank You. That's my job, that's what I do" or "I'm here to take care of you beautiful". The one time he said "your welcome" we all just looked at each other, not sure what was happening!

And, just because he is awfully darn cute... Elliot!

Speaking of cute, miss Lila is doing way more walking these days than she is crawling! I would say we officially have a fourth "walker" in our house! :)

Whoa, I just checked out the Susan G Komen "Team Bell" site... 102 member strong! WOW! You are all AMAZING! If you haven't signed up and would like to or know someone that would go here!
If you wanted to order a long sleeve "Fight Like a Girl" t-shirt or sweatshirt the deadline is fast approching... information can be found here!

Life in general...

2010-08-09T06:23:00.001-04:00

I thought I would stop in and do a more thorough update, but I warn you right from the beginning, it's not that exciting.

Lila is walking more and more each day, I've found that putting her in a dress helps that situation. Have you ever tried to crawl while wearing a dress? It appears that it would be quite frustrating and so walking is a better option! I still wouldn't call her a "walker", but it won't be long. She is a feisty little girl, unafraid to let us know what she wants or more importantly, does not want (typically by screaching quite loudly). Ahhh, life with girls!

Elliot is loving summer! I was having him try some shirts on for fall the other day and he was putting up such a fight. He doesn't like "regular" clothes. He ONLY likes basketball shorts and basketball shirts (preferably sleeveless). We've finally made progress in this area though, the only thing I ask of him is on Sunday's for church I get to pick out his clothes AND he get's to change right after church. We discussed how I get to pic out his school clothes, as well, this fall, we have not yet discussed that this may include jeans or pants and long sleeves at some point, I'm sure that will once again be an adjustment that includes some tears or yelling.

Bailey has been working on keeping her room clean in hopes of getting a few toys back, it's not perfect, but I'm trying to remember that she is 9, it isn't supposed to be perfect. She is getting some much needed one on one time this week. She is already soaking it all up. I'm pretty sure she won't be sleeping in her own bed all week either, she is so scared to be downstairs alone (see the following paragraph for the reason she is alone downstairs). Matt doesn't get it at all, I on the otherhand, remember being afriad of the basement, and even my own bedroom, all to well. Every little nonise was magnified to an unbearable point, every little noise must have been the monster lurking just beyond the door...

Landon left yesterday morning on a possum trip with a group from church. If your unfamiliar with possum trips, it's basically where they travel at night (on a bus with beds) and wake up in a mysterious location each morning, the kids don't know where they are going until they get there, this particular trip (although I'm sure it depends on the group) is full of service projects along with other fun trips and activities! Once the kids boarded the bus we received an itinerary for the trip. He is going to have such a great time! Yesterday they went to Willow Creek for church, they fed homeless in Chicago, went to Chinatown and visited Navy Pier. This morning they should be waking up in St Louis and have another fun day planend there!

We had a great weekend, I made it through all the busyness better than I anticipated (thanks for the prayers). Nothing really exciting to share. The heat this week is going to be interesting. I'm quite sick of the humidity. Heat is ok alone but good grief, it get's nearly impossible to go outside when the air is this thick. That said, I'm not ready for winter yet either... I guess you could say I will never be happy!

There's a pretty general update for you, sorry, life just isn't that exciting.

2:33 am

2010-08-07T02:40:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's the middle of the night, yes, I'm once again awake. My memory is not serving me as well as it used to and I've been meaning to blog about this for a week or so now. So, since I'm awake here you go:

Many of you have asked when I will have another PET or CT scan to make sure the chemo is working. I had never been told anything about it but finally remembered to ask. I will not be having another one. Because the first one was clean there is no reason to have another one. If ever I start to have problems of one sort or another then they will be quick to do one, but in the meantime they say the additional radiation combined with the stress that comes with the fact that they always find something on those scans (making you wait 3 months until they can do another one to see if anything has changed), it just isn't beneficial to do.

So, there's that. I still think that my mind would be put at easet to just check things out, but for now I'm trusting my doctor to make the right decicions. She knows how I feel about this and I fully trust that she has my best interest in mind.

OK, trying to get some sleep now... we'll see!

Prayer Requests

2010-08-06T22:25:00.001-04:00

Just a quick update, I promise to update more later (like in a few days)...

1. I'm very tired. It seems to be getting worse each week. I know this is petty and I am very thankful that I'm not sick (aka throwing up), but I'm definitely more and more worn out each day. Part of it is my own fault, I tend to over schedule, but I like to be busy and naps have been harder and harder to get (b/c I can't fall asleep, not because I don't have the freedom to do it). So, prayer request number one is ENERGY.

2. I started physical therapy again today. Long story short... the first time improved my movement, this time will actually loosen the cord that was caused by the removal of lymph nodes. The PT massaged it quite a bit and I am not scared to admit that I was near tears once or twice. And now it really is hurting me. I get to go back three times a week for at least 2 weeks, possibly a month. So, prayer request number two is pain management and time management. This definitely makes me feel more rushed. In addition to the pain from pt today, I got rear ended on my way to work. Luckily I had Matt's truck so the only thing she hit was the big ol' hitch (no damage for me), she had a little damage from the hitch going into her front end, but she did hit me quite hard and I got a jold, now my back is in pain as well.

On a side note regarding the time management, I'm so sad to say that I recently had to quit my job. I just am struggling to much to find babysitters and the time to actually be there. I'm sad that I'm missing things at home when I'm gone, and it's hard for me to exert the energy working when I know that I need the energy for my family. That said though, they are currently accepting applications, it's a great place to work if you want to work approx. 10ish hour/week (stop in soon to find out more information and to get an application).

I am done (for now) with my expansions. I may decide to do one more before the initial surgery, but I have until late September to decide on that! This is wonderful for me, as it's one less appointment (although, if I was going to do weekly appts, this office, Dr. Dodde and Dr. Hoberman, is definitely where I would want to do it, they have an incredibly friendly staff!), one appointment down and now I add 3 more/week!

Consumed

2010-07-31T04:01:00.000-04:00

It is 3:44 am. I'm awake and have been for quite some time now. I shouldn't be awake, I've been sleeping great. But I am. I'm sitting here listening to crickets and the whirring of 2 fans. My mind is consumed with someone else's pain. Someone I know only through a few emails. I don't know what to think or say, all I can do is pray. And pray I have. I don't think in the last 24 hours an hour has gone by that I'm not saying some sort of prayer for her, and I know that I am not alone in this, I know that God is hearing constant prayers, begging him to make it all go away.

This all has me thinking of my cancer and my own mortality more. I had a clear PET scan, it didn't show more cancer. But, that doesn't mean I will never have cancer again. Cancer is an ugly word and an even uglier disease. I hate cancer. Because I've been feeling so good, both Matt and I tend not to think about cancer anymore, but reality is, it could come back at any time, it will always be a factor in my life. A big factor. Did I mention I hate cancer?

As I often do when I wake up in the middle of the night, I turned to my devoational book. A few quotes from Praying Through Cancer.

Don't forget in the dark what you've learned in the light.
It is not that any of us would choose to have cancer. But, as Christians, we're in a win-win situation. Some wise wordsmith put it this way: "The worst that can happen is the best that can happen."

Please, join me in saying prayers for others with cancer. Pray that they would have peace, energy, healing... and God's arms wrapped around them tightly!

Not much to say...

2010-07-30T08:15:00.000-04:00

or maybe I just don't have time to say anything!

We've been busy over here. I tried typing out something lengthy, but in the end it was a jumbled mess of words so I'll give you a quick overview instead!

Me:

I'm feeling great. Too good really. I can't find much to complain about. Taxol is going great, no really terrible side effects. The biggest one I'm noticing is just being tired. I'm trying to get to bed on time, but "on time" seems to be getting later and later.

I do get to go through physical therapy again, the cord that was causing me trouble is still there, and as of just this morning seems to be causing quite a bit of pain. All tolerable, just irritating. Physical therapy just means more appointments. I'm sick of appointments.

On Wednesday I had a 3 month checkup with Dr Hoberman and then I went home and started cleaning/purging. I made it through Lila's room, the basement "family room", and Bailey's room. I was cleaning from 11am until 10pm. I was worn out in the end, but felt like I definately got something accomplished (more on this later).

Us:

We have been spending lot's of time at the beach (the kids and I). It's been great. We try to go quite early, beat the crowds and get a good spot by the water, and by the time we leave it's always a sea of people and umbrellas!

Matt:

He's been busy at work (praises for that)! Football starts in a few weeks so that too will keep him busy. He's been slowly working on my little projects at home (they aren't done yet, which is why you still haven't seen pictures).

Landon:

Not much new to report. No current sports going on, he is leaving on a possum trip with church in a week and a half. We won't find out where he is going until he is on the bus leaving, but it should be a great trip.

Bailey:

Bailey turned 9. We celebrated at the beach with some of her friends (and mine) for the day! We took her out for ice cream instead of birthday cake in the evening. She picked a "Banana boat" from Captain Sundae, I think it was more about getting the biggest thing she could than what it actually was, she ate about 4 bites of the thing. After that she wanted to go to Target to spend a gift certificate so we were there until almost closing time, way late for me, but she had fun! She has been very into art creations lately. She really would like her own art room like one of her friends, but her budget doesn't allow for an addition on the house so were going to look for an old (a.k.a cheap) table to put down there for her.

She also spent a few nights at my aunts house in St Joe this week. She had a great time with them and can't wait to do it again! She had so much fun upon her return showing me all of her art projects! While she was gone we went through her room. My blood pressure was very low before beginning that process. I went through her closet and pulled out items that were a size 5, I went through her Polly Pockets and pulled out about 15 dolls without heads, I went through her Barbie's and threw away half the dolls, not to mention all of the "extra" junk sitting around that we threw away. Matt said that someday Bailey will be a t.v. star... she'll be on "Hoarders". We filled the garbage can (the outside one) with all of the junk from her room. I really thought she would be mad, but she doesn't seem to mind all that much, she actually likes that we cleaned her room! Whatever.

Elliot:

Oh Elliot. What can I say about him? He loves having a big brother and sister. He loves when Landon has friends over, he loves Landon's friends. (Bailey isn't so nice to him when she has friends over.) He has a knack fo rmaking us laugh. A lot. He all of a sudden has a fear of monsters and ghosts as well. I'm pretty sure it's a stall tactic of his, because he always hears noises in his room when it's time to get pajamas on. He can never decide on which pajamas to wear either, such a difficult decision! :)

Lila:

She took her first steps while getting ice cream for Baileys' birthday. Why is it no surprise that all it took was food? She is slowly walking more and more. It makes me both happy and sad all at the same time. I think she will be happier if she can walk, but it's just one more stage we are leaving behind. The girl definately knows her food, go ahead, next time you see her ask her if she wants to eat, but make sure you have food on hand because that girl knows what "eat" is and she WILL want food! ;)

Very often I forget that I have cancer. It definately helps that I'm feeling great and haven't had any really terrible side effects from the chemo. One of the major changes for me has just been all the appointments and trying to keep everything straight, but that's nothing terrible. This is probably the main reason I can stay so "strong" (not my word, but something I've heard a few times from others), I'm not sick, I can keep up with the day to day (for the most part). I only think about cancer on Tuesdays when I'm at chemo and on thursdays when I see Dr Dodde, other than that it's on the back burner.

Last night though it was brought back to reality. Cancer is not a joke, it is very real and a very real part of my reality. My heart was broken to hear that Lindy had cancer again, the doctors found two brain tumors. No one deserves cancer ever, much less cancer twice. Please say a prayer for her and her family and the doctors. We all know that God does amazing things, let's storm the gates of heaven with prayers!

As promised...

2010-07-21T16:24:00.000-04:00

Bailey will be turning 9 next week. Hard to believe. She is her own person, a little bit tomboy, a little bit girly! She is creative, always coming up with something else to make, draw, paint, staple, tape... I love this girl!

Blueberry pictures: We had a great time. This is the first time Matt has ever gone with us. Typically we go in the morning, but it's been so hot lately that I haven't had the desire to go, but Monday night was a beautiful night for picking! We left with only 11.5 pounds, I'm sure we will be going back soon! Lila even got in on the action, I pushed her stroller right up to a bush and she kept herself happy picking all kinds/colors of blueberries and immediately consuming them!

Laundry: Lila loves to do laundry. More than anyone else in my house. If I say "Let's go do laundry Lila", she crawls her little butt right into the laundry room and stands at the dryer. She is a pro at getting everything out of the dryer and handing it to me (or throwing it on the floor if I'm not quick enough). But, she HATES it when I close the dryer and she can't get anything else out. This is her throwing one of her temper tantrums, she screamed and cried (while her loving mommy took pictures) for almost 10 minutes! Whatever!

Like I said, this girl (Bailey) can create. She made these costume for herself and Elliot!

(Not sure what Elliot's face is all about here!)

Friends and prayers

2010-07-19T21:54:00.000-04:00

I feel as if I've been neglecting this blog and you all lately. I'm here, I just don't have words for my thoughts and there really hasn't been anything new or exciting happening. Not to mention we have been slightly busy!

Last week I think Matt and I just passed each other every day, or didn't see each other at all. It was a crazy week for our schedules. Monday night I worked at Paint a Pot, Tuesday I had chemo all day and then was able to make it to dinner with some great girls in the evening, Landon babysat and Matt went to a "meeting" for football. Wednesday night Matt went fishing (for perch this time! yum!). Thursday morning I dropped Bailey off at Camp Geneva with her friend Maddie. Thursday night Matt and I were actually both home, we decided to go to the ball fields for a bit and watch Cobe play (a.k.a. WIN!). Thursday night Landon stayed at my parents house so that he would be ready to leave for Black Lake in the morning, so on Thursday and Friday we only had two kids. Crazy how we used to think we were busy with 2! Saturday afternoon we picked Bailey up from camp and stayed and let the kids play in the water for about an hour, super nice. Camp Geneva has a great water area for everyone, including Lila!

A couple of pictures from some of the GREAT girl time I've had lately!

EJ and I... EJ is almost 37 weeks pregnant, and back in Vermont. It was great having her stay here for a few days and be able to catch up with her!

I can't even believe I would post this picture, but whatever, it's me! We hung out with the girls one evening in my basement. Apparently everyone thought it was a bit chilly down there, can you tell? Oh, and we played the "Ungame", it was a BIG hit! This version was from 1975, it's a classic!

Kim was here from California last week, we finally got to meet her little man (shown behind Lila's big head, yes, that's lila the almost naked baby on Julie's lap)

I have to say, I've been very blessed lately to be able to hang out with some great girlfriends!

Tomorrow is another chemo day. I'm praying for a much quicker visit this time! :)

I've made not of some great thoughts in my devotions recently that I wanted to share:
I will consider this whole cancer deal worth it if in the end I look more like Jesus, sound more like Him, even smell more like Him. I want it to be obviuos that I've spent time with Him. It's worth it, if somehow I can honor You by going through this experience, whatever the outcome. So I'm asking you to make it worth it. Make me more like Jesus. Make it undeniably evident that You are at work in my life. Honor Yourself. Part of a prayer written by Joanne Arentson from Praying Through Cancer

Holy Spirit, please develop in me the fruit of joy - a joy that's not based on my circumstances, but on my relationship with my Father. Let me be joyful in the simple gift of another day to love and be loved. Part of a prayer written by Lynn Eib from Praying Through Cancer

Lord, how grateful I am that my prayers always rise to You in heaven and You hear each one. Even the quietest prayers of my heart born out of faith are as important as my loudest prayers ignited by fervency. Thank You that You will hear and answer them all. How blessed am I to have You as the center of my life. A prayer based on Revelations 8:4, from The Power of Praying Through the Bible by Stormie Omartian.
Now that I'm not faced with being sick every day, I feel as if my prayers have gotten quieter, not quite as passionate always. I still pray frequently, I pray for many people frequently. I pray for myself, my husband and my kids frequently, but I feel as if I may not be praying as powerfully as I did when first diagnosed. But, I am reassured by reading this. They are all prayers of my heart, and they all mean just as much to him as my prayers of 2 months ago or 2 weeks ago.

**Coming soon:
1)pictures of my recent decorating project, it's not completely done yet, we ran out of black paint, I did get the first part hung up, just a few more things to hang. I REALLY like it though and can't wait to show you!
2) Blueberry picking pictures
3) Almost 9 year old pictures (of Bailey)
4) and whatever else I can come up with!

Taxol #1

2010-07-15T06:55:00.000-04:00

This week I had my first Taxol treatment. What a long day that was! Because it's the first dose they have to administer it much slower than normal. Much, much slower. I was there for almost 6 hours. At one point I was given a rather large dose of Benadryl, and as hard as I tried to stay awake, I just couldn't. I was so out of it that I felt as if I was coming out of surgery.

Normally, before going in I also put some Emla cream on my port to numb the skin prior to the needle being inserted. Oops. I forgot it this time. But no worries, I will NEVER do that again. Ouch! It was still hurting a little Tuesday evening.

Basically after I slept in the office for a while, I was totally fine. I ended up being able to join some friends for dinner Tuesday night and making it until almost 10:30 that night. No nausea or anything this time, just a little extra tired (yet unable to nap) and a bit of tingling in my fingers, which is completely normal. I can handle this!

Matt's been fishing which give me time to work on a few decorating projects around here (b/c it's so much easier when he's gone, did I ever tell you about the time that I took the sawzall to our pool at the old house while he was gone for the weekend? or all the times I started painting projects while he was gone?). Simple and cheap things that are sure to make a difference here at my house. If you've been here in the last 2 years you have probably noticed the lack of things hanging on my walls. But that is all about to change! I can't wait to show you pictures... soon!

Right now I'm about to wake up my daughter and bring her to camp for two nights! Have a great Thursday!

Fight Like a Girl Long Sleeve & Hooded Sweatshirts

2010-07-14T13:49:00.000-04:00

Many of you have shown interest in long sleeve t-shirts and sweatshirts with the fight like a girl logo... we finally have information and are taking orders.

Long Sleeve Youth and Adult Small through XL t-shirt- $15.00

XXL $17.00
XXXL $19.00

Hoodie Sweatshirt Youth $25.00
Adult Small through XL $32.00
XXL $34.00
XXXL $36.00

Please send all orders to:
Mary Maly
3063 104th Avenue
Zeeland, MI 49464

Please include phone number, email address and any contact information pertaining to the order.....

Order deadline is Friday, August 27th, 2010

Tears

2010-07-12T09:10:00.000-04:00

My friend Becky of Bee Tree Studios dropped of a disk of pictures from the BELLieve Fundraiser this morning. I was just looking through them and while there are a lot to share, this one really moved me, just as being there on Friday night moved me. This is the moment on Friday that made me cry, and again tonight it brought tears to my eyes. WOW, looking around at this circle was just astounding. The number of people... wow!

Thank you!

Thank you

2010-07-09T23:09:00.000-04:00

In case you had to leave early I'm including the same thank you here that I was going to read, but just couldn't do it through the tears, so instead Sarah read it for me...

When I got the first phone call from my doctor that the MRI had found something suspicious, I broke down. I didn’t think that I was strong enough to go through this. Not now. Not ever. But in time my attitude changed to “What else am I going to do, I’ve got to fight. Like a girl!”

There are still hard times. There are times I still try to lean on myself instead of God and all he is offering me, but it all get’s much easier when I let him steer the bike. God was never surprised by this diagnosis, he had already begun to prepare all that we would need along the way. He had factored cancer into his plan for me long ago, before I was are of anything. I know that there are many people that God put into my life years, months or even weeks ago, to serve a purpose. He is a good God like that! (Ironically, knowing that he put you all here doesn’t make it any easier to accept or ask for help though).

I am so thankful for all he has given me.

My husband, a man that couldn’t be a better match for ME, a man that is selfless and cares for his family more than himself. Thank you Matt.

My kids. They definitely keep me on my toes, keep me moving and don’t even give me one minute to get down about this situation!

My friends and family. All of you. You’ve supported me with your prayers, your cards, time, labor and gifts. It is all completely overwhelming to us to see what God’s people can do. Thank you.

This evening has meant so much to me; it’s amazing to see how many people are here to support us. Thank you so much for spending your evening with us. It is so humbling to see how many people care for and love us.

Psalm 29:11 says God makes his people strong. God gives his people peace.

He has done these things for me. Whether I live or die, he will give me strength and peace to face it. The Israelites made it to the promised land and one day we all will too.

Thank you!

Looking around during the circle of prayer was absolutely amazing. I think I've probably used the words amazing, humbled, and grateful more times than I should in the past months, but I don't know of other words to use. I was so overwhelmed (oops, another one I use to much) to see everyone there, never did I imagine such an amazing turnout! Thank you!

BELLieve Carnival

2010-07-08T16:22:00.000-04:00

I feel funny "self-promoting" here, but on the other hand, I know how much hard work has gone into this all and I have to make sure everyone else knows too! Seriously, every last detail has been thought out for the evening! I'm amazed at the details that have been thought through. Things I would have never thought about! Thank you to everyone that helped plan this event and to everyone that is volunteering thier time to make it a success! I'm in awe of you all!

Details: BELLieve carnival is happening TOMORROW night! (Friday)

5:30: DINNER AND GAMES

Food is being provided ...by Beachwood Inn (donations accepted)
Pork, Potatoes, Popcorn, Slushies, Ice Cream and More!

Game Tickets - 25 cents ea.
Games/Activities include Train ride for kids, Face painting, Clowns, and much, much more!

7:30 - CIRCLE OF PRAYER
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15)

7:45 - LIVE AUCTION
(ie fishing charters, limousine ride, cheesecake/month for a year )

8:00 - RAFFLE
Raffles $1/ticket - ie gift basket from main st sweets candy store; hair cuts from area salons, pizzas; sizzlers from bob the butcher; premier jewelry; silpada gift certificates and more! You don’t need to be present to win raffle………just put your name on the raffle ticket and save your half

Where: On the corner of 112th and James, there will be signs and people helping to direct for parking
The Niche’ Band will be playing through out the evening

Chemo Treatment #4 - DONE

2010-07-02T10:46:00.000-04:00

So, they say I'm done with the hard stuff now. Tuesday was my last Cytoxan and Adriamycin treatment and Wednesday was my last Neulasta shot! Yay!!!! Wednesday I was feeling pretty good, I was suprised at how good I was feeling actually. Thankfully because it was Landon's birthday and I didn't want to be tired or sick for that! Thursday I started to feel not so good. Very tired and a little achy. We tried to go swimming, actually we did go swimming, but it was pretty chilly so I never really went in. The kids had a great time though! Elliot showed Kate how he puts his head in the water now, Bailey swam like a fish and jumped in about 100 times and Lila, well, she's not scared of ANYTHING. The girl just keeps dunking her face in, over and over and over!

Thursday night wasn't so great, I started getting very achy, lucky for me I have an incredibly husband that loves me and didn't mind that I laid in bed or on the couch for quite a while! Today, just a little nausea, but if I could possibly eat something I'm sure it would go away. It's a vicious cycle. Nothing sounds good, but I won't feel better until I eat something.

My white blood counts were low this past treatment, they proceeded with the treatment anyway, but now I have a cold. Summer colds are the worst. Blech!

Next week I have a week "off", no chemo (and my last day of physical therapy), the following week I start Herceptin and Taxol weekly. After 12 weeks I continue the Herceptin on a 3 week rotation for a total of one year. So, while I've made it through 8 weeks and 4 treatments, there is still a LONG WAY TO GO. Lot's more to look forward to!

This weekend we have some day trips planned, the weather is supposed to be HOT, perfect days to be at the beach! I hope you all enjoy your weekend, celebrating independence day, stay safe and stay cool!

Good times

2010-06-28T22:53:00.000-04:00

The last few days have been PACKED with goodness! Seriously PACKED!

But first, the not so good part. Saturday morning Landon's team lost their last baseball game. The season is done for us now, which while it frees up a bit of time, I will miss some of the games! I'm sure Lila, Elliot and Bailey are ok with being done!

After baseball we headed up north to visit a childhood friend. Her mom was also my mom's best friend. I haven't seen them since my wedding 11 years ago. It was well worth the long drive to be able to visit with them again, the kids did great driving there and back and had a GREAT time while we were there, which was evident by the amount of dirt that we had to clean off of them! :)

Sunday morning we had our last day of VBS at church. It's always fun to see ALL the kids in the front of church worshiping God! This year they registered 460+ kids, the kids brought in an insane number of pounds of coins and the adults were able to raise more than the kids, which meant that Dann got a pie in the face! A big thank you to Dann and all the members and visitors at Community on Sunday. The proceeds from the donations will be put toward our medical bills, we are so humbled by everyone's generosity. I can't even explain how grateful we are (have I said that before??? I feel like a broken record, but that does not mean that it's not true)

Sunday evening I got to spend some great time with great girlfriends. My friend EJ is here from Vermont for the first time in far to long! We enjoyed dinner together and then hung out in my freezing cold basement. I will have to share a picture once I get it downloaded from EJ's camera. EJ bravely spent the night in that freezing cold basement (and survived) and this morning we were able to go window shopping downtown Holland with the kids and spend some time together this afternoon! It has been so great having her back in town, now if only we could keep her here!

Tonight I went back to work for the first time in like 7 weeks. It was great to be back, I didn't realize how much I missed it!

And tomorrow... chemo again, I'm actually going by myself though, so if you want to stop by and visit, feel free. If you want details on location or time please message me before 10:00 tomorrow morning and I will try to respond, otherwise call my cell phone (sorry, not posting that info here) Not much more to say about that!

Looking ahead

2010-06-25T14:38:00.000-04:00

These every other week appointments have been kind of nice. I know that I initially wanted them to just get going, skip the off week, just get this done with, but I'm now realizing that it's giving my body a chance to be "normal" for a week. And that week feels great! In four days I have my last "every other week" treatment, then I have a week off and then for 12 weeks straight I get to go in for a treatment. Should be fabulous. I'm not sure how that will all go, it's a different treatment alltogether, so it's like starting over for me. I don't like not knowing, have I ever mentioned that I like to be in control? Of my life at the very least? Well, I do.

I am so amazed by the number of people that purchased coupon books from 84 East, 8th Street Grill and Froggy's. THANK YOU so much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! We received our check today and were just dumbfounded by the amount. It will definately help to cover some of the medical bills that have been mounting! What a blessing you all are!

When Marci and Bethany dropped the check off I was telling them that I'm a bit fearful that I'm making myself seem a bit stronger on this blog than I am in real life. Sometimes it's easier to type things than to actually {Bell-ieve} them. I do quite often (especially lately) think about the fact that cancer does kill people, I COULD die, am I using my time to make the best family memories possible?

I DO complain, sometimes a lot (feel sorry for my husband), but often I am thrown back into reality by something I read or see, someone who has it so much worse than I could EVER imagine. I don't KNOW that I'm going to die due to cancer, but there are many people who do know that thier cancer is terminal. I'm lucky.

I am blessed in SO MANY ways! I am blessed by your prayers, I am blessed by your meals, I am blessed by your time, I am blessed by your cards, visits and calls, I am blessed by your finanacial donations, I am blessed by your kindness and your concern. I thank you for sharing your gifts with me and my family. As we get further and further into this I'm feeling more and more overwhelmed by your generosity, I don't know how to thank everyone. I don't even know where to begin. I could never repay anyone for all they have done. I know that the majority of you do not expect me to repay you, but we live in a society where it is not easy to ask for help, or to accept help freely. I will always carry this weight of gratefulness, looking for ways to repay, and I will soon be healthy and strong again and be able to pay it forward in some small way!

Fight Like a Girl t-shirts

2010-06-24T15:56:00.002-04:00

If you ordered a Fight Like a Girl t-shirt don't forget to pick them up tomorrow at Community Reformed Church between 4-6pm!

Thanks so much for your support of Amy's Angels!

BMX

2010-06-23T09:52:00.000-04:00

I never knew what BMX was, until this week. Not the bike either.

Sunday night it started and then Monday it got worse and by Tuesday it was unbearable. Canker sores on the tip of my tongue. Seriously. Lot's of them. I couldn't eat very well (except ice cream and popsicles), I drank more ice water on Monday than I have drank in my entire life I think.

Tuesday I went in for my weekly blood draw and they weren't able to get anything from my arm, so instead of letting them use my hand (b/c that hurts) I went back for a port draw in the afternoon after applying Emla cream. Which also meant I got to see my nurse (didn't realize that the nurses and not the lab had to do the port draw, until I went back). Lucky for me because she was able to look at my mouth and prescribe some BMX mouthwash. Basically it's nasty, thick pink stuff that numbs my tongue that I can "swish" every hour. I put swish in quotes because it's so thick that swishing is nearly impossible because of how thick it is. But it does a FABULOUS job of numbing my sores, so I'll take it!

Other than that everything is going great! We have a super busy week this week. Elliot has swimming lessons in the afternoon and Elliot, Bailey and I have VBS every night, Landon has 2 baseball games this week and he's helping with VBS the other nights. Elliot is going to be one very tired little boy by Friday, but he's having a GREAT time doing it all!

I am happy to report that I have NO appointments today! NONE! Prior to cancer I never realized how excited I would be for an appointment free day! They are rare, but I will enjoy them when they come!

Chemo Round 3

2010-06-17T20:56:00.000-04:00

I thought I had everything figured out and under control. I thought I knew that on Thursday I wouldn't be feeling well, because that is what happened last time. Obviously I shouldn't expect anything. God keeps throwing me curve balls.

I made it through the treatment fine (thanks Jen) and then woke up yesterday (Wednesday) feeling pretty lousy. Very nauseated and very very tired. I figured if I made it through yesterday today would be much better. Nope. Today I'm still very tired and very nauseaus. Don't get me wrong, it's all bareable, I'm able to force myself to get out and do things if I have to, it's just not pleasent!

Another thing I hadn't anticipated was bone pain. From the Nulasta shot. I've had this shot two times prior (always the day after chemo), it stimulates white blood cell growth. I've heard of others having bone pain, achy feelings from it, but had yet to experience it myself (which I proudly announced when asked), but I can no longer say that. Along with being tired and nauseaus I also feel like my body has the flu. I'm achy all over. I did find a bit of relief this evening by going swimming with the kids (thanks Kate and Carol). Being surrounded by water (or even just having my legs in the water) made the pain disappear. I did jump into the "deep" end with Bailey a couple of times and swam to the shallow end, wow, that was a workout for my arms (silly considering it's not an olympic size pool or anything), swimming is something I should consider more of! Anyway, enough complaining, tomorrow I will wake up and be just fine! :)

Lila LOVED swimming. She was definately not scared to put her face right into the water. Over and over and over. It wore her right out and thankfully she is in bed now!

I was doing a devotional before bed last night and felt like I could have written the story myself. It was amazing to me how similar I felt to the author. It's from "Praying Through Cancer" and was written by Sheri Schut:
I don't recall going through the so-called stages of grief...Why not me? After all, God had blessed me and spared me from so much. How could I question His will for my life, when at thirty-(one) I was diagnosed with (breast) cancer?
C.S. Lewis once said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world". I was hearing God's voice loud and clear. He used my momentary suffering not only to conform me more to Christ but to put my focus on eternity.
God gently reminded me of all Christ had suffered - the perfect example of how I should endure trials. And He assured me of what awaited me on the other side of suffering when one day I will be permanently restored!

No matter our trials, big or small, we will all one day be permanently resotred with Christ! What an amazing day that will be! One day I will look normal again, God's normal though, and who knows what that looks like? One day we all will!

Prayers for continued energy and just feeling better are much appreciated right now! Prayers that my arm completely recovers so I have one less appointment to attend. Prayers that chemo does what it is supposed to do, that it kills the bad cells, but leaves me with some good! Praises that my blood counts on Tuesday were completely normal (good bone marrow she said)!